The Voices in Frank's Head

Whitney Port's Falling Bikini Photos surfaced on the internet earlier this week of  Whitney Port's  bikini top suddenly falling off while she was in Miami. She managed to cover herself up (mostly) with her hands, revealing only a little bit of her nipples.  Of course, there just happened to be a photographer nearby when this happened - and Whitney Port just happened to be facing the camera, having covered herself up in the nick of time. Additional photos of the event, by the way, are available here  on Egotastic.com. The trend of bikini a female celebrity's bikini suddenly falling off - and a photographer happening to snap images of it - is something that I wrote about a little over a year ago when Heidi Montag  had a bikini incident that seemed a bit too much like a publicity stunt. (Earlier post available here .) Vanessa Hudgens Covers Up Of course, Whitney Port isn't the only female celebrity to have a bikini top mysteriously fall off in ...

I believe that life is too short to deal with ugly strippers. Of course, I also believe that life is too short for booze to go wasted, for watching reality television, to believe in honest politicians, or to listen to almost anything from Britney Spears . For more wisdom, please check out my latest book, Zen and the Art of Drunken Debauchery .

Britney Spears  never really set any records for musical talent. However, she managed to set a new record for the most product placements in a music video . Britney Spears is such a national treasure.

I was surfing around on YouTube the other evening. Britney Spears  has a new song up, which I listened to out of curiosity. I was shocked though when I saw one of the advertising overlays that showed up. Yes, a Britney Spears video was paired with an advertisement for "private drug rehab." This makes me laugh for reasons that could never be described in a blog post. I'm not sure if it's something that was arranged or if it's just one of those happy coincidences. Regardless, this is one of those things that make me laugh.

Britney Spears Wants Your Underwear People  magazine reported that Britney Spears went shopping for lingerie recently. She purchased "a Valentine's Day-themed piece and a body suit." In related news, the National Academy of Sciences concluded that Britney Spears shopping for underwear is the least newsworthy story of the past decade. The fact that a national publication decided to report this shows how low things have sunk in American culture.

CBS announced this afternoon that Katy Perry  will make a special guest appearance on How I Met Your Mother  later this season, in an episode entitled "Oh, Honey". She will reportedly play Zoey's ( Jennifer Morrison ) cousin, a beautiful, naive girl who the gang resorts to calling "Honey". Katy Perry Brings the Honey Katy Perry has made a lot of guest appearances on television shows ( Sesame Street , Saturday Night Live , American Idol , and so on). However, none of these roles have ever been challenging enough to test whether or not her acting abilities are as good as her musical talents. This, I believe, will help to settle that question. The one thing that I can say ahead of time is that I guarantee she'll be better than Britney Spears was when she showed up on HIMYM , which I'll admit is not saying a lot. Anyway, I look forward to seeing Katy Perry on How I Met Your Mother . It should be a fun episode to watch.

Britney Spears  is on the cover of Cosmopolitian  this month. If memory serves me correctly, this is her sixth appearance on the cover of this magazine. The thing that really struck me about this magazine cover when I saw is that Britney Spears looked really old in this photograph, especially her face. Her smile lines are much more pronounced here. Also, her widow's peak is much  more noticeable than in other photographs. Britney Spears Looks Old on Cosmo If I didn't know better, I would swear Britney Spears was in early 40s just from looking at this photo. In reality, though, she's only 28. Life does not appear to be treating Britney Spears very well. I almost shudder to think what she'll look like in another five or ten more years.

Tony Hayward , chief executive officer of BP, admitted to The Financial Times  that his company was not ready to respond to a deep-water oil spill. In other shocking news, Mr. Hayward also admitted that the Earth really is round and that Britney Spears is no longer a virgin.

Britney Spears is in this month's issue of Glamour , with the headline "Healthier at Last". I know I'm incredibly cynical, but a part of me can't help but wonder who many publicists and lawyers it took to get the Glam folks to write that piece that way. My guess is 14, but it's only a guess. Yes, I am cynical. However, if I may paraphrase Kurt Cobain for a moment, "Just because you're cynical doesn't mean you're not right."

Bettie Page passed away yesterday at the age of 85 after suffering a heat attack . She was an actress and model who completely comfortable in anything - from a ball gown to bondage gear - and made them all look incredibly sexy and sophisticated. She was an icon from the 1950s, who appeared in pin-up pages and Playboy . She was a Christian who believed that God gave a beautiful body for a reason. She believed, therefore, that there was no shame in showing it off. More than anything, Betty Page understood that "sexy" didn't have to mean "slutty" or "trashy". She made it into an art form. Britney Spears and several other modern pop stars could learn a few things from Ms. Page. As such, she will be missed.

There are moments in my life when I see one example after another of irony. There are moments of my life when I see irony upon irony, gift wrapped with an ironic bow on top. And then there are moments like this where I struggle through so many levels of irony that it pretty much makes my head explode. The thing is, I'm probably the only person around who fully appreciates this one. I'm not expecting anyone else to. More than anything else, I just wanted to post this note on my blog - where it will have a day and time stamp - so this way I can come back to it at a later date and say, "See. This is what I meant." Anyway, it's Thanksgiving Eve. I'm late for the bar already. Good night, everyone!

One of my fellow bloggers is reportedly getting hundreds of hits on her blog every day because of her coverage of Kam Carman's infidelities . It even reached the point where Ms. Carman made some thinly veiled remarks about this blog on the radio. All of this makes me wonder what would happen if I started posting rumors that I've heard about Kam Carman. Or better yet, what would happen if I started posting about that torrid affair that I had with Britney Spears a few years back. On second thought, forget about it. I don't want web traffic that badly.