Friday, July 30, 2004

In my blog, I've ranted about one stupid politician after another. I've even ranted about stupidity in the private sector. Today, however, I feel the need to vent about stupid celebrities.

Britney Spears was recently spotted wearing a T-shirt with the message, "I'm still a virgin."

You know, it's a shame that I didn't get a chance to mention this Britney during any of our numerous conversations. However, the world has certain rules to it.

One of them is that after you chose to celebrate your 18th birthday by fucking 18 different guys in one night, you can no longer properly claim to be a virgin.

Another one of those rules is that it's no longer proper to claim virgin status once the number of guys you've had sex with reaches the triple digit mark.

I know, I really should have mentioned all of this to her. But somehow, I just didn't think of it at the time.

Hopefully, someone else will take a moment to explain a few things to her.
When I first got interested in making movies, I did a little research and learned that most Hollywood productions take two years to go from concept to screen.  When I first read that, I thought, "My God -- two years?  How can it possibly take that long to put together a movie that only lasts an 90 - 120 minutes?"

Now, I understand.

Casting. Financing.  Clearances.  The crew.  Contracts.  Research.

And more financing.

As I've tried to put together my documentary, the first time I've ever been writer, director and producer on a feature length project, I've discovered just how challenging it can all be.  I keep thinking about that old circus act -- the one where a guy has all of these plates that he's trying to keep spinning.  The second he gets one of them set, another one or two of them start to fall.

I'm still doing it.  Absolutely committed that, even if I drop a proverbial plate or two, I'm going to make this film happen -- even if only to prove to myself that I can do it.

However, after a little more than a year of trying to make this all happen, I want to apologize to all of the Hollywood producers.  I'm no longer dumbfounded that it takes two years to make a project a reality. 

Instead, I'm amazed that they managed to do it at all.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Once again, I feel the need to vent.  This time, though, it's not about some idiot politician or anything like that.

Instead, I want to rant about people who lie.  I know, most people lie at least everyknow and then.

But there are folks, including one woman that I'm really ticked off at, who lie at least once everytime you see them.  And tell really stupid lies, too.

Lies where I know there lying, because it's painfully obvious that they're lying.

And so, I have to stand there -- looking at a blatant liar and wonder if I should (a) call this person out on her lie or (b) let it slide and have her thank that I really am stupid enough to believe her.

Totally frustrating.
It's odd how there are simply some things that I can't bring myself to write about.  Being there as my Dad received the Last Rites.  The cat I saw get hit by a car.  My Dad's funeral.

I've tried writing about them a couple of times in this blog over the past couple of weeks.  However, each time I do, I end up with this desire to smash my head into my computer monitor.  I can write a sentence or two, but nothing more.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

My Dad is in the ICU right now with a terrible case of pheumonia that's made even worse by the fact that he also has asbestosis. The man can't even breath on his own at the moment. They have a trach tube in him and he's on a ventilator.

They have him on other medicines to boost his blood pressure because it's too low to sustain him as it is.

And as if that weren't enough, I heard from the doctors that there's signs that his infection may have spread into his blood stream. They say if it hits any of his other major organs then he won't be with us much longer.

I think the part that's worst, from an emotional standpoint, is the constant see-sawing of it all. Last week, he was doing much better and they were talking about transferring him out of the ICU and into a regular hospital room.

This week, they're talking about him not living much longer.

Along the way, he's had two emergency surgeries. A bunch of small improvements came along the way, too. There were also all of these set-backs.

I just feel so numb.

All of this really reached a head this afternoon when I was driving home from the hospital. I saw some guy run over a little cat. A cute black and white bundle of fur.

By the time I reached him, he was having a death spasm. That final series of frantic twitching that ones body goes through as all life leaves.

I look down at his tiny body, totally surrounded by blood. His eyes seemed so large that they appeared to take up his whole face. And those looked at me for an instant, as if he expected me to do something that I didn't know how to do.

A second later, the spasming stopped. He layed there in the street in peace. No one around me seemed to notice.

"Great," I remember thinking, "one more senseless act of suffering and death that I can't do a damned thing about."