I've inundated my friends and family for years with commentaries on everything from foreign currency transactions to the menu at Taco Bell. Some of my commentaries are funny or insightful. Some are me ranting about something I'm annoyed about. All of them come with "Frank's Blog Guarantee" - if you think I've wasted your time with a blog entry, you have the right to kick me in the shins as hard as you want.
I read my horoscope this morning. It's something that I rarely do, but this morning over breakfast, I read mine. It said: Leo. There's an aura of excitement around you. Your presence will be uniquely energizing.I read this horoscope this morning and my first though was, "Oh, I guess this means the strippers found out that one of my clients paid their invoice recently."
And, yes, I do realize that I am a very bad man for thinking this.
It's official. Prince William and Kate Middleton are now husband and wife. They will be henceforth the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Her dress, by the way, looked spectacular this morning. I believe that is the most important part of any wedding. Our British friends will likely spend the next several days in the midst of an incredible party that, quite frankly, leaves a lot of Americans a bit confused. We rejected the idea of a monarchy long ago, preferring instead to base our culture around Justin Bieber and an assortment of reality television stars. I'm quite certain this justifies all of the sacrifices that our Founding Fathers made in separating this nation from Great Britain more than two centuries ago. In the meantime, we have a space shuttle launch in a few hours. Plus, the High Holy of Geek Holidays (a.k.a. Free Comic Book Day) is a mere eight days away.
I get some of the most interesting things in my email. For example, did you know that it is actually possible to book a group of attractive women to come to your next party or event? Yes, it's the Polo Girls Society. They are a group of five female professional polo players who are dedicated to bringing polo to the world. They will show up at any given party as well as corporate or charity events. They give polo clinics and demonstrations. Of course, if one prefers, they can simply act as promotional models for a given brand. I have to admit that I would never have thought to have people play polo at a party before today. However, now that I have seen this in my in-box, I simply cannot stop thinking about it. The Polo Girls Society: Coming to a party or event near you soon.
Donald Trump had said previously that he had "some very surprising information" about President Barack Obama's birth that he would release soon. This morning, President Obama released the long-form version of his birth certificate. (The short-form version of it was released years ago.) I'm sure Mr. Trump will indeed carry out his promise to release this "very surprising information" about the President's birth. I look forward to seeing what his investigators have uncovered. In the meantime, Mr. Trump also called on President Obama to release his college records. The President, of course, graduated from Columbia University and the Harvard Law School. Of course, since Mr. Trump has boasted on numerous occasions about what a good student he was, I'm sure he'll release his college records as well. Right after he releases that "very surprising information" about the President's birth.
It's spring. Before much longer, the lakes and rivers around Michigan will be filled with one boats. With that in mind, I wanted to share some friendly advice from the U.S. Navy on how we can all be water wise. Enjoy!
The Space Shuttle Endeavor is scheduled to make its final flight into space this Friday, with a launch scheduled for 3:47 p.m. This is also the second to last launch for the space shuttle, as NASA is bringing the space shuttle program to an end after more than 30 years. Commanding this mission will be Captain Mark Kelly of the U.S. Navy. His wife, wounded Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona, will be in attendance to watch this historic launch. Joining her at Cape Canaveral will be President Barack Obama, several other members of Congress, and an estimated 40,000 other spectators. Needless to say, I will be glued to my television set this Friday afternoon for this space shuttle launch. Every launch is impressive, in my opinion. This one, however, will be extra special because Ms. Giffords's ordeal following her shooting in Tuscon this past January and the fact that this will be the last launch for Endeavor.
I thought of a new slogan for the Great Lakes State; one that brings us into greater compliance with truth in advertising laws. Welcome to Michigan. Our government sucks so badly, you'll forget how terrible our economy is.For those who prefer to continue our proud tradition of Michigan's state motto always being in Latin, this works out to be, "Ita imperio malo, quam grauis obliviscar oeconomia nostrae."
I'm confident that the Michigan Legislature will endorse this idea.
Mother's Day is fast approaching. I asked my Mom recently what she would like for the occasion. "A wedding announcement," she replied. "Yeah, okay," I stammered. "Anything else?" "Well, yes, but that should come roughly nine months after the wedding."