Monday, May 30, 2011

Of the Troops and By the Troops

I thought about using my mad video editing skills to create a video tribute to the men and women in America's armed forces. However, as any glance at YouTube will reveal, there is no shortage of such works. There really isn't anything left for me to contribute. Instead, I thought I would take a moment to honor the troops by showcasing some of the videos that they made themselves to deal with the monotony of life in a combat zone.

The 380th Air Expeditionary Wing out of Al Dhafra Air Force Base in the United Arab Emirates handles air refueling, reconnaissance, and combat support for operations in both Afghanistan and Iraq. More importantly, as this video below shows, the airmen of the 380th are very hot.

The job of securing the personnel and equipment of the U.S. Air Force is done be a dedicated team of security policemen. These brave men and women are ready to handle any hostile force that approaches and, as this video below shows, they are clearly ready for American Idol.

I believe Miley Cirus will respond to this video by lip syncing the Singing Sergeants on her next tour.

While I am partial to the Air Force, (I was in the Civil Air Patrol while in high school and did Air Force ROTC in college before discovering that a hearing loss in my left ear left me ineligible to serve) I would be remiss if I didn't recognize some of the cool videos that the other branches of the military have contributed.

The U.S. Army's 1st Calvary Division is America's "First Team." It is one of the most famous and most decorated units in the U.S. Army. Of course, when the soldiers of the Cav aren't defending America and protecting our interests abroad, they have been known to show a certain amount of love for American food.

Particularly the quintessential American combination of peanut butter and jelly.

The U.S. Navy, of course, has dominated the seas for more than two centuries. While T-Pain and The Lonely Island may have become famous for being on a boat, the men and women of the America's Navy want you to know that they were doing it a lot longer than those guys.

Of course, my personal favorite comes from the Air Force (yes, I am biased). The 552nd Air Control Wing out of Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma reinvented that song to show the world that, while being on a boat is cool, it's even better to be on an E-3 AWACS.

To all that have served this great nation of ours, and all that continue to do so, thank you.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Lingerie: Now With Warning Labels

The Congress in Brazil recently passed a bill to add warning labels to lingerie. The matter is now pending before Brazillian President Dilma Rousseff.

Care to See My Warning Label?
If this bill is enacted, all bras sold in Brazil will henceforth carry a label, encouraging their wearer to check herself for breast cancer. Panties will carry one reminding women that condom use may prevent cervical cancer. Not to be left out, men will see a message in their underwear reminding them to be screened for prostate cancer if they are over the age of 40.

I, for one, have always thought that women should come with warning labels. These, however, are not the kind that I was thinking about.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The End of the World

I had this long post planned out. I was going to take Harold Camping's prediction that the Rapture was going to happen on Saturday apart, show precisely how little he knows about the Bible, and expose him once and for all as a charlatan.

But this is so funny that everything else that I could say is moot.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Two More Mayorships

I picked up two more mayorships on Foursquare today and it's not even 2 p.m. I'm now the Mayor of the New Center One Building in Midtown as well as 3 Nicks Bar & Grill in Warrendale.

The photo at right really doesn't relate to either of those things. It just demonstrates, once again, that a hot blonde goes with any blog post.

And this is one of the many reasons why I love the internet.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Atlantis Is Getting Ready

The Space Shuttle Atlantis is getting ready for her final voyage into space. The folks at NASA posted a photo of her being hoisted in the Vehicle Assembly Building.

yfrog Photo : Shared by NASA

"Area 51": Myth, Legend, and Conjecture

There's a new book out by Annie Jacobsen entitled Area 51: An Uncensored History of America's Top Secret Military Base. Since I have a science fiction manuscript pending, called The Roswell Chronicles, I was interested in this had to spend a decent amount of time today reading.

In her book, Ms. Jacobsen makes several arguments about the legendary, ulta-secret facility known as Area 51. One of her reports, and the one that I'd like to talk about the most, is the contention that the aliens who crashed in the New Mexico desert in summer of 1947 were actually the result of a Soviet human experimentation program that was design to educe panic within the American population.

Before I go further, I believe a brief excerpt from Ms. Jacobsen's book is order. This is the crux of her assertion.
The child-sized aviators in this craft [that crashed in New Mexico] were the result of a Soviet human experimentation program, and they had been made to look like aliens a la Orson Welles' War of the Worlds, and it was a warning shot over President Truman's bow, so to speak. In 1947, when this would have originally happened, the Soviets did not yet have the nuclear bomb, and Stalin and Truman were locked in horns with one another, and Stalin couldn't compete in nuclear weaponry yet, but he certainly could compete in the world of black propaganda — and that was his aim, according to my source. ...
What is firsthand information is that he worked with these bodies [of the pilots] and he was an eyewitness to the horror of seeing them and working with them. Where they actually came from is obviously the subject of debate. But if you look at the timeline with Josef Mengele, he left Auschwitz in January of 1945 and disappeared for a while, and the suggestion by the source is that Mengele had already cut his losses with the Third Reich at that point and was working with Stalin.
Quite frankly, I don't believe her assertion.

If there were 13 year old child aviators who crashed in the summer of 1947 then they would have had to have been born sometime in 1934 and likely conceived in 1933. The problem, of course, is that Josef Mengele didn't graduate from the University of Munich until 1935. He didn't begin his experiments on humans until years after that.

Since these supposed child aviators would have already been born and largely developed by the time Dr. Mengele came onto the scene, it's quite doubtful that he would have been able to genetically modify them to anywhere near the extent that is alleged is Ms. Jacobsen's book.

Since genetic modifications are essentially out of the question, that leaves surgical modifications as the only remaining option. That, however, is even less likely than a genetic modification, in my opinion.

One of the modifications that were supposedly made was to enlarge the child aviators eyes considerably to give them the appearance that has since become legendary. My first problem with that is that enlarging the eye to such a degree would also require surgically enlarging the eye socket in order to accommodate a larger eye. Carving and manipulating the skull in such as way is theoretically possible, but it doesn't seem likely.

Diagram of the Human Eye
Of course, the big issue with such as theory is that a functioning eye is fairly complicated. Enlarging the eye would likely mean that light entering through the iris wouldn't hit the rods and cones at the back of the eye properly in order to produce an image that the brain could interpret.

If Ms. Jacobsen's assertion was true, these child aviators would have had vision so poor that they would never have been able to pilot an aircraft from the Soviet Union so that it could crash in the New Mexico dessert.

Other problems with Ms. Jacobsen's theory include the fact that such extensive surgery on the bodies of these so-called child aviators would be readily obvious on an any autopsy. This would make it easy for anyone to discredit them as not being aliens from outer space, thus bringing an end to wide scale panic that Josef Stalin hoped to create.

Based on all of this, I find Ms. Jacobsen's theory that the aliens who supposedly crashed in Roswell were actually child aviators highly doubtful.

However, in spite of this, I do believe most of the other things that Ms. Jacobsen wrote about in her book. I believe that Area 51 is dedicated to conducting super secret experiments for the military and other government agencies. This, of course, does not mean that an alien spacecraft couldn't have been taken there more than half a century ago.

None of this, of course, proves that an alien spacecraft was taken to Area 51 nor that such a craft ever existed. But that will have to be the subject of another post.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Go Endeavor! Go!

The Space Shuttle Endeavor launched this morning in a textbook perfect launch from the Kennedy Space Center. This was the final launch of Endeavor before it is retired and the second to last launch of shuttle program.

For anyone who missed it, video from the Endeavor launch is available below.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Detroit 1-8-7 Gets 86ed

ABC confirmed yesterday that Detroit 1-8-7 has been cancelled. I'm disappointed with this news.

I continue to believe that if they made a drama from the beginning, instead of starting it as a "fake documentary"/comedy, then the show would've been a tremendous success. The writers and producers tried to retool it in a hurry, but they just weren't able to.

I simply hope that this serves as a learning opportunity to every television executive as well as every writer in the business. Murder can make for a compelling drama. However, it makes for a terrible comedy.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Katy Perry's Left Breast

Katy Perry is on the cover of Vogue this month. I did what I always do when I see her on a magazine cover. I looked at her left breast.

Magazines always put the most interesting, thought-provoking questions next to Katy Perry's left breast when she is on a cover. Each of her breasts may appear to be equal at first glance. However, her left one is clearly more of an intellectual than its twin. This, of course, is why it generally attracts a higher quality of copy.

Katy Perry's Left Breast Wants to Know
This time around, however, I regret that I am disappointed. The best copy that Katy Perry's left breast was able to attract was the question Michele Bachmann: Hot or Not?

Really, now? That's the best that Katy Perry's left breast could attract? "Michele Bachmann: Hot or Not?"

That is a question that isn't worth asking, in my opinion, let alone putting on the cover of a national magazine next to Katy Perry's left breast.

Michele Bachmann, after all, is simply the less attractive, less intellectual, and less electable version of Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin won a beauty pageant; Michelle Bachmann has not and likely would not. Sarah Palin has written two books and is the subject of several hundred more; Michelle Bachmann has yet to write even one book. Sarah Palin won statewide elected office; Michele Bachmann has never held a statewide office nor has she held a leadership position in the U.S. Congress or the Minnesota Legislature.

Yes, Michele Bachmann is a less attractive, less intellectual, and less electable version of Sarah Palin.

And Katy Perry's left breast wants to know if Michele Bachmann is "hot or not?"

That, my friends, is the kind of a question that one would have expected from Katy Perry's right breast.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Philip DeFranco Makes Me Feel Like A Perv

Philip DeFranco, who is one of my favorite YouTubers, posted a question on his Facebook page earlier this week. He asked, what was the best mattress to have sex on? Spring, foam, or water?

I chimed in, sarcastically, to say that the best option was neither - a hammock is infinitely superior. I checked back a little while later and noticed that five people indicated that they liked my comment.

I was pleasantly surprised. Five people liked my oddball sense of humor.

But then I clinked on the link to see who those five people were.

And noticed that four of the five were girls - all either currently in high school or just recently graduated from high school.

Two thoughts came to mind at that point. First, I felt like a pervert for even looking at the Facebook profile of a girl in high school. Second, and perhaps most importantly, I reminded myself once again that if I ever have a daughter, there will be a moat around our house and her internet usage will be strictly monitored.

Stripping to Protest Political Corruption in Russia

Back in the 1960s, there were some great political protests in the United States. Ever since then, we've gotten rather lazy at it. A bunch of people, a few signs, a celebrity speaker, maybe a catchy chant if we were lucky. That was pretty much it.

Throughout the Middle East, however, we've seen massive demonstrations that put ours to shame, all organized using the social media platforms that were invented in the United States.

She Doesn't Like Dirty Rats
My personal favorite for a political protest, though, comes from Russia. There have been a multitude of young people over there protesting the political corruption that runs rampant in their country.

One group of young women, however, added an entire new twist to the matter by creating a calendar of themselves protesting in their lingerie. Each month features a different young woman in her underwear with humorous but provocative caption. The one at right, for example, reads "Dirty Rats Are Disgusting."

Another month included a sexy school teacher holding a stern ruler. It's caption read, "I will teach to live without taking bribes."

I can't help but wonder what it would be like if we did something like this in the United States. We certainly have enough things to protest and it would be much more interesting than the protests over President Barack Obama only showing the short-form version of his birth certificate were.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Hayley Williams Asks the Wrong Question in Cosmo

I was at the grocery store the other day doing my weekly shopping. Since I'm a bachelor, this consisted heavily of lunch meat, microwave dinners, and beer. While standing in the check out line, though, I couldn't help but not notice Hayley Williams on the cover of Cosmopolitan.

Hayley Williams Asks the Wrong Question
My first thought upon seeing this was, "Oh, so that's what Hayley Williams looks like with her clothes on."

But then I noticed one of the articles in this month's issue of Cosmo, "Call Him or Text: The New Rules."

Silly, silly, Cosmo, I thought to myself. The correct answer to that conundrum is neither, just show up with a sandwich. If a woman does that, she is guaranteed to get better results than with either a phone call or a text message.

She doesn't even have to look like Hayley Williams (although it certainly doesn't hurt). She just has to show up with a sandwich to get her guy to to do pretty much whatever it is that she wants.

With Cosmo giving advice like this, it's no wonder why the women of America are so screwed up all the time. Luckily, my blog is here to set the record straight.

And I still give you a picture of Hayley Williams.

Who could ask for anything more?

Happy Star Wars Day!

I wanted to take a quick moment to wish everyone a happy Star Wars Day.

If you're not familiar with Star Wars Day, I just happen to know a young woman in a Princess Leia costume who is eager to tell you all about this august holiday.

Now, where did I put my light saber?

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

More Supergirl Porn

According to those fun loving, party animals at Google Analytics, an average of one person every day finds my blog as a result of a search for "Supergirl porn". It's all a result of this post on Supergirl from last summer.

Anyway, there is no actual porn on my blog (Supergirl or otherwise). However, for the benefit of those who do find this blog as a result of such as search, as well as for the general amusement of everyone else, give you this image below.

Kudos, by the way, go out to Dr. Zaius of the Zaius Nation Blog for finding this gem. I also found his blog via Google.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Barack Obama + Osama bin Laden = HMIYM

To recap the chaotic events of the past several hours, President Barack Obama announced late last night that the U.S. had killed terrorist leader Osama bin Laden. The body of this dead terrorist, according to several news reports, was dumped into the ocean.

The supporters of President Obama are happy.

His critics, however, believe that either:
  • The whole thing was most likely faked;
  • He doesn't deserve credit for it; or
  • It wouldn't have been possible without George W. Bush.
I believe we can all agree the important thing here is there's a new episode of How I Met Your Mother beginning in approximately two hours.

Barcelona Bans Bikinis? Oh, the Brutality

The city of Barcelona, Spain voted recently to ban wearing bikinis anywhere other than swimming pools, beaches, adjacent streets, and beach walks. Anyone caught wearing such an outfit could face a fine ranging from 120 - 300 euros, which translates into $178 - $445.

Kristen Can't Wear This in Barcelona
Quite frankly, I'm not sure what part of this news disturbs me more.

Is it the fact that there will presumably be fewer women wondering the streets of the second largest city in Spain in skimpy bikinis?

Or could it be that I have now seen one more reminder of the fact that the Euro is worth 48% more than the U.S. dollar?

It's really hard to say which one is more troubling to me. I might have to spend some more time looking at this photo of Kristen Bell in a bikini and report back.