Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween Costumes

Happy Halloween
I just want to say that one of the lamest things anyone can do on Halloween is come to a Halloween party dressed in a "costume" of whatever it is that you do Monday through Friday.

Lame.

Lame.

Lame.

Blogging for the Beast

As of this moment, my earnings from Google Adsense (those ads that you see on this blog and over on my neighborhood one) for the month of October have amounted to $6.66. Intellectually, I know that this is purely a coincidence.

However, this is one of those coincidences in life that still manages to make me feel a wee bit nervous. The fact that this is happening on Halloween only makes it worse.

Will someone please click on one of those links so my final total for the month isn't $6.66?

Update @ 8:42 p.m.
Thank you, everyone!  I no longer have to worry about that ominous total for this month.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Billion Dollar Baby

I've come to the conclusion that the first person to figure out how to combine karaoke and auto-tune will be an overnight billionaire.

It probably won't be me. However, if this post inspires anyone, please remember your friendly neighborhood muse.

Friday, October 29, 2010

I Remember

I forget, which political party was it that was in power during every major banking crisis since 1900?

Oh, yeah - I remember.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Things I Learned in Ypsilanti

I was out in Ypsilanti on business today. While there, I ended up having some time to kill as my business partner dealt with a computer issue. I started out looking for a book store that I could hang out in for a bit; I ended up making my third personal vlog.

Today I learned that:
  1. Strip clubs look very different in the daylight;
  2. It's actually possible for one to live in their old high school;
  3. Ypsilanti has a phallic-shaped water tower that is, shall we say, unique; and
  4. It's sometimes better to search for something on your own or ask someone, rather than type something into an internet search.
With that, I give you my tour of Ypsilanti, Michigan.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Failure Shuts Down Squadron of Nuclear Missiles

The U.S. Air Force lost control of one-ninth of this nation's nuclear missiles this past weekend. Luckily, everything is fixed now and there was never a danger to the American public.

All I can say about this is, "Wow! I thought I was having a crappy day at my job."

Failure Shuts Down Squadron of Nuclear Missiles - Marc Ambinder - Politics - The Atlantic

Bacon Goes a Long Way

I love bacon, almost as much as I love boobs. This is why I was exceptionally happy to see an article about bacon being a part of a healthy club sandwich.

If you'll excuse me, I'm getting hungry. Very, very hungry.

A little bacon goes a long way on healthy club sandwich - Food - Macon.com

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Back from the Bar

I spent most of yesterday frantically putting together a grant application package for the U.S. Department of Housing & Urban Development. There was a deadline of 5 p.m. today to have the thing in.

There's a school near me that's on the National Register of Historic Places. It's been vacant for several years and  a lot of folks in the neighborhood would like to see it transformed into a community center. This grant would've enabled us to do just that.

Then, however, as I was frantically nearing the finish line, the folks at HUD decided at 3:55 p.m. yesterday to postpone their deadline. I now have another 30 days to get it turned in.

I'm not sure, but I think this was simply HUD's way of saying, "Frank, quit stressing and go to the bar."

And so I did.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Red Flag Alaska

Video from Red Flag Alaska 10-3 is up on YouTube. This is so f-ing cool.

A few hundred planes from three different countries.

Ground based anti-aircraft fire as well as an airborne aggressor force.

The only thing that would make it better would be boobs. That, however, is likely asking for too much.

Fun with Magnets

Magnets Are Fun
Lingerie Dement is new line of lingerie from France. What makes them different is that, instead of clasps or hooks, there lingerie is secured with tiny, almost invisible, magnets.

They say this makes it easier for women to clasp a bra in a rush. One only needs to get the two magnets close to one another before the laws of physics pull them together to form a secure clasp.

Of course, the other side of this is that I now have one more thing to play with.

Moo U

When I went to college - back in the days when the internet still consisted of nothing but green text and the idea of an actual online university program was but a twinkle in a nerd's eye - Michigan State University was affectionately known as Moo U., in homage to its agricultural past. (The school was founded in 1855 as the Agricultural College of the State of Michigan.)

I've been thinking a lot about the old Moo U. nickname lately. I'm not sure what it is that has prompted this come back to me after all of these years.

Moo U.
Maybe it's the college football season or something.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

My Sinister Mind

I had to visit the Coleman A. Young Municipal Center this afternoon. This, for my friends outside for the Detroit area, is essentially Detroit's city hall.

While there, I couldn't help but notice this sign posted at the entrance.

Banned from City Hall
The interesting fact is, when I saw this sign, I immediately started to think of things that aren't on the list, but that could still be dangerous. For example, baseball bats are prohibited from city hall. Rugby bats, however, are not on that list.

There's a part of me, therefore, that is seriously tempted to try bringing a rugby bat into city hall - just to see what will happen.

I am sinister, if not outright evil, for pondering this.

Of course, I'm also nostalgic for the days when one could bring almost any of those items into city hall - or any other government building, for that matter. I guess this is the first sign that I'm getting old.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Take It Off

Ke$ha got together with her some of her friends recently and made her own music video for "Take It Off". I have to say that I like it even better than the one that her record label commissioned.

The only thing that I'm not happy with is that it's heavy on 80s references. The video borrows heavily from Tron and Labyrinth. On a personal level, I'm a little bothered by so many references to the 1980s coming from someone who was still in diapers when the 80s came to a close.

But that's largely because I'm becoming a curmudgeon of an old guy.

Tim Bledsoe

It's election season in Michigan.

I just received a phone call from the folks at National Voter Outreach, telling me that I should vote against State Representative Tim Bledsoe. The thing is, I live almost 30 miles outside of Mr. Bledsoe's district.

I may have to start sending around copies of The Political Campaign Desk Reference by Michael McNamara to everyone at NVO as well as whoever it was that hired them. If nothing else, this book will explain the importance of targeting voters.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Making $1.3 Million at the Strip Club

A man in south Florida man collected $650,000 in an out of court settlement after he was accidentally kicked in the head by an exotic dancer at a local strip club. The incident did result in him having long-term vision problems. However, he still made $650,000 at a strip club.

I have two eyes that could be damaged. Theoretically.

This means that if I keep visiting strip clubs, I have the potential to earn $1.3 million. And, in a "worst case scenario", I don't get kicked in the head, don't suffer vision problems, and I've still spent an impressive amount of time in a strip club.

Bikini Road Kill

Doesn't Look Like Roadkill
Jenny McCarthy was spotted in an orange bikini recently in Miami recently. She was there with her new boyfriend, Jason Toohey. She looks really good in it, too.

And I don't mean good for her age either. She just looks really good.

As I look at this photo, I have to admit that it's hard to believe Jenny McCarthy's genitals were once compared to "roadkill" by the folks at Playboy.

Of course, not to be outdone, Sharon Stone also donned a bikini for the straight to video, low-budget comedy Five Bucks A Day.

When one sees Sharon Stone in a bikini at the ripe old age of 52, it only serves to remind everyone of just how amazing she looked when she was in her prime. She still looks very good. 30 years ago, however, her beauty was off the proverbial chart.

I can only hope that Sharon Stone's DNA is cryogenically preserved somewhere.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Chicago - Detroit - New York

One of my friends, Jeff Wattrick, wrote a piece for M-Live.com entitled "Chicago, if you had a tenth of the heart of Detroit, you'd be New York City by now."

The premise of his essay is rather obvious. I also think it's true. Of course, one can also point out that if Detroit had Chicago's political leadership (i.e., they may be corrupt, but they get stuff done) then Detroit would be New York, Los Angeles, London, and Toronto - all rolled into one bad ass urban Mecca.

Although, the Detroit Lions would probably still suck regardless.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Racy Bikini Girls

The other day, I was saying to myself, "Self, there simply aren't enough ways to exploit beautiful women for fun and profit." Luckily, the folks at the Gold Coast Turf Club, which is near Melbourne, Australia, have solved my problem.

They take beautiful models, stick them in a bikini, and then race them on a horse track.


I'm just glad they didn't put a jockey on any of these models, because that would be tacky.

Now, I just have to figure out a way to get Northville Downs, which is near me, to do something like this.

I'm Feeling CALM

I would like to thank the United States Senate for making my life a little better (for once) or at least a little quieter.

The U.S. Senate recently passed the Commercial Advertising Loudness Mitigation Act (a/k/a - the CALM Act). This will prohibit television stations across the United States from airing commercials that are louder than the main program itself.

This law will not go into effect for another two years, which gives the television industry time and the various advertisers to make some changes on their end. I happen to think that it's too much of a delay, but I'll take it.

Until then, I look forward to the day when I don't have to hit the mute button on my remote every time the commercials come on.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Lady Gaga Challenged To $1 Million Singing Competition

This news is finally public and I'm excited about it. One of my clients, Alisa Apps, has challenged Lady Gaga to a $1 million singing competition.

Lady Gaga Challenged To $1 Million Singing Competition | Billboard.com

Monday, October 11, 2010

0.655 Gallons of Love

I got a Visa gift card for my birthday last August. It was nice. I used to go out to dinner and then to a movie. When I was done, there was $1.86 left on the card.

I carried this gift card around in my wallet for almost two months with only $1.86 on it, looking for a chance to spend the last of it. Unfortunately, as one might guess, there are very few things that one can buy for only $1.86 - especially if you want it use every remaining penny of it and pay for it with a credit card.

I almost decided to just throw the card away and not bother with it any more. However, I decided that the banks have had enough of a bailout. They don't need another $1.86 that they don't deserve in the first place.

Then, as I was about to fill my gas tank the other day, I had an epiphany of sorts. I could buy 0.655 gallons of gasoline, pay for it with my gift card, and thus use every remaining penny of it.

The Last of My Birthday Present
And that is exactly what I did.

Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign

I was at one of the finer dining establishments in Detroit the other day for lunch. At one point during my meal, I had to step into the men's room.

And that is when I saw this sign on the wall.

Cleanliness is Next to What Again?
You know, I don't think this sign has been approved by the local health department.

But then again, maybe it has.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Happy Binary Day

Happy Binary Day, everyone!

Today is 10/10/10. We'll never see the ones and zeros of the calendar line up in perfect binary fashion like this in our lifetimes.

Life is about enjoying the odd moments like this.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Slutocalypse 2010

April Put the Fire Out
Once upon a time, as in just a few of years ago, the options of a young woman were very, very limited when it came to Halloween costumes. She could be a slutty nurse, a slutty schoolgirl, or - if she wanted to push the envelope and risk the eternal damnation of her immortal soul - she could even be a slutty witch.

Thankfully, those dark days are behind us. A young woman can literally be anything that she wants to be for Halloween.

She can, for example, be a slutty firewoman - putting out blazes while setting a young man's heart afire.

She can be a slutty referee - and tell a young man exactly whether or not his pass was going to be complete.

For those who yearn for a return to the simple days of the 1980s, a young woman in 2010 can even be a slutty Ghostbuster and protect gentlemen everywhere from the paranormal.

Beth Rules Your Pass "Complete"
Yes, gone are the days of limited options for young women. She can select any profession or pass-time that she so desires and make herself look slutty in the process.

Halloween has finally become the Slutocalypse that feminists have dreamed about for generations. Prayers have been answered. Mountains have been climbed. Valleys have been crossed.

And it's all a mere 24 days away from today.

As I ponder these upcoming festivities, I have to admit that I am ever so thankful...

That I don't have a daughter.

If I did, she probably would not be allowed out of the house for even a minute during the entire month of October.

Cathy Protects You From Ghosts
Of course, since I don't have a daughter, I can simply sit back and enjoy the kind of show that I would normally have to pay a cover charge to see. There's a part of me that is grateful for this annual tradition of Slutocalypse (a/k/a - "Halloween").

And I will let you guess which part of me that is...

But I digress.

I suppose one could argue that this is simply part of a mating ritual. We are about to embark upon a long winter that is filled with a series of couple centric holidays (i.e., Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, and St. Valentine's Day). If a young woman isn't coupled up, Halloween parties are essentially her last chance to attract a suitor in time.

Side note:  Can you tell that I aced my sociology classes in college?

Regardless, I am really glad that I don't have a daughter at the moment. If I did, she would not be allowed to leave the house at all during the month of October.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

My Detroit Pride

The Detroit Pride are the unofficial cheerleading squad for the Detroit Lions. They perform outside Ford Field before all of the home games.

Emily from the Detroit Pride
One would hope that the Detroit Lions would make these ladies their official squad. But I think they're still putting all of their mental energy into actually winning a game at the moment.

But I digress.

Anyway, this morning, I was lucky enough to become the 2,000th fan of the Detroit Pride on Facebook. This means that I will soon receive an autographed photo of the squad in the mail.

Hooray!

The only drawback to this that I now find myself humming Please Mr. Postman by The Marvelettes.

Midnight

It's midnight.

I should be sleeping, but I can't. There are too many ideas running through my head at the moment.

It's time for me to write.

Monday, October 04, 2010

Nadine Coyle's Neck

Nadine Coyle is an Irish songstress who released her debut album Insatiable. The video from its first single is below.

I heard through the grapevine that Nadine Coyle threw her neck out while recording this video. Looking all of that hair flipping around, I can't say that I'm at all surprised by this.



Nadine Coyle - Insatiable

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Vision Care

I believe it's time for the NFL to give vision coverage to all of their referees.

I can see pass interference when it happens.  They, however, cannot.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads

Hockey Dino, one of my Facebook friends and fellow bloggers, recently challenged each of his friends to name three things that make us happy. My list was short and simple:
  • Blondes;
  • Brunettes; and
  • Redheads.
Interestingly enough, this is identical to my list of things that make me miserable.