The Voices in Frank's Head

The image above of the ObamaCare woman has been circulating across the interwebs. Quite frankly, I am mad as hell right now. This woman is destroying America. Why couldn't she just get a second job at a local strip club if she really needed money for this so-called "operation"? That, after all, is what a good, honest, hard-working American would do.

Some rather strange things have come out of Germany, not the least of which is David Hasselhof's  popularity. Today, however, we something that is both strange and wonderful from Germany. Stare and Live Longer Researchers in Frankfurt, Germany have concluded that staring at women's breasts actually extends a man's lifespan by about five years. Their research is published in the New England Journal of Medicine . Unfortunately, they did not opine on whether or the breasts in question belong to their respective wives or some other random female. I suspect this study will prompt some curious discussions between couples. In the meantime, I'm downloading all of the photos I can of Jessica Alba , Katherine Hiegl ,  Paris Hilton ,  Sienna Miller ,  Rachel Nichols , and Hayden Panettierre . Heck, I might even throw a little Kirsten Haglund or Rima Fakih into the mix as well.

President Barack Obama delivered what I believe to be one of the best State of the Union addresses I have heard in years this evening - and I say that as someone who has been watching them since the days of Jimmy Carter. (Yes, I was a nerd as a kid.) First, as a Detroiter, it was great to see newly elected Rep. Hansen Clarke at the State of the Union instead of his predecessor, Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick , mother/instigator for disgraced former Detroit Mayor Kwame M. Kilpatrick . As for the speech itself, I loved the fact that President Obama referenced the one million private sector jobs created in 2010. It's great to remind everyone that some good is happening, just not as fast as anyone would like. I couldn't help but notice that when the President proposed a five year freeze in government spending hardly anyone applauded. That is a shame. As a small business owner , I loved the President's idea of simplifying the tax code and lowering the corporate tax rate. I was ...

Ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, I have some excellent news to share. President Barack Obama  has appointed me chair of the Government Health Care Rationing Panel for the Southeastern District of Michigan. Yes, I am on the infamous "Death Panel" that Sarah Palin  and others warned us about previously; the same panel that one right-wing pundit complained about even after the liberal news media told them repeatedly that it didn't really exist. Sarah Palin, I'm afraid, was right. Death Panels weren't originally in the health care bill.  Luckily me for me, however, President Obama has since signed Executive Order 02111964 to create them. I, along with a few other shadowy, unelected, and unaccountable individuals, will now determine who gets health care and who doesn't. There are absolutely no limits to the scope of my powers. I am thrilled to accept this position of authority. However, I am aware of the magnitude of its scope and I'm feeling ...

I was on my way to a doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon. After what seemed like endless arguing with my insurance company, I'm finally getting a hearing aid to compensate for damage in my left ear after my auto accident back in Christmas 2006 . Anyway, I was stopped at a red light on Evergreen when a Dearborn Heights police car approached with its lights and sirens going. No big deal, I thought, at first. But then some idiot in a white Ford Escort darted out into traffic, right in front of the speeding police car. The cop had no real choice but to come into my lane in order to avoid a crash. For a split second, I thought for sure he was going to hit me head on. Luckily, however, he managed to swerve again in order to miss my car by a couple of inches. With all of this in mind, I would just like to say to the unknown driver of that white Ford Escort, I you see something that looks like this: ...you're supposed to stop moving until the police pass you. Ditto for f...

Some folks have heard about this one already, but my cousin passed away over the weekend at the age of 29. She leaves a husband and two small children behind. Her cause of death hasn't been determined, pending an autopsy. She was at a garage sale when she collapsed suddenly and was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. She and I weren't especially close. However, losing someone that young - and losing them so suddenly - is always disconcerting to say the least. I think it's even worse since this is the second person this month that I know who has passed away suddenly. It makes me think about something that my grandmother used to say, that things like this always come in threes. And that, in turn, had me wondering who the third person would be. And worrying about that, in turn, made me think about a heart murmur that the doctors found when I was in the hospital this past December . My doctors concluded at the time that is was a harmless murmur and nothing to wor...

This past weekend was simply one of those weekends. It started good, got even better and then ended on a very sad note. Friday evening started at the grand opening of a new store that my friends Francis and Claire opened in Midtown, the Bureau of Urban Living . They had champagne and desserts to welcome their first shoppers. I picked up this really cool invisible bookshelf (when installed, it looks like my books are just floating) and some greeting cards. I told Francis and Claire before their store opened that I wanted to be the first person to make a purchase. Unfortunately, I didn't get their in time. I was tempted to be their first shoplifter, but I decided not to. The fact of the matter is that Claire could kick my ass if she was properly motivated and I didn't want to risk it. Liza: They're only a few blocks south of your office. You really should stop by some time. After the Bureau, I was off to work at the Detroit Music Awards when I filmed interviews with...

It's weird how my memory is slowly coming back after the auto accident . I find myself remembering the strangest things. The other day I was walking around in Greektown . This, of course, is where I was returning from the night of that collission. I walked past the Bouzouki Club and remembered that I had one of their "No Cover Charge" passes. More importantly, I remembered that I had it with me on that fateful evening, but that I decided to go home instead of using it. And that was when it dawned on me. If I had used that pass, I wouldn't have been on the road at the same time as that drunk driver and, in all probablity, wouldn't have been rear-ended like I was. My life today would be almost exactly like it was on December 22. The moral of this story: I should never pass up a chance to see naked women for free.

I was at the Old Shillelagh in downtown Detroit recently for a friend's birthday party. I don't actually remember a whole lot about the party except that there were a lot of people there and some great Irish music. I don't even remember leaving the party. The next thing that I do remember is feeling very sore as a man in surgical scrubs told me that I had been in an automobile accident and that I was at Oakwood Hospital . I later learned from my brothers that on my way home from that party, my car was rear-ended by a drunk driver. According to the police accident report, this woman was traveling at a speed in excess of 100 miles per hour when she collided into me. The aftermath of this is: My car is totaled, which leaves me without transportation for the time being; I have a lot of muscle soreness in my neck and shoulders, which the doctors tell me will clear up in a couple of days; I have a persistent ringing in my right ear, which should also clear up on on its own e...