Monday, August 30, 2010

I Wish I Played Tennis

Daniela Castillo
I wish I played tennis.

I never gave the game much thought when I was in high school or college. My friends and I pretty much focused on the classics for young boys in southeastern Michigan: baseball, basketball, hockey, and football.

There were tennis courts in Rouge Park, which is near where I grew up. However, we just went right past them without thinking much about that game.

With the U.S. Open starting, however, I can't help but notice how many of those tennis players have smoking hot wives or girlfriends. I know that all professional athletes tend to attract beautiful women. There is simply something about the combination of fame, good looks, and money that athletes have.

Bec Cartwright
Regardless, the tennis guys seems to be able to take it up a notch. I'm not quite sure why.

Fernando Gonzalez is currently dating Chilean pop star Daniela Castillo.

Lleyton Hewitt of Australia is currently engaged to actress and singer Bec Cartwright, with whom he recently had a daughter.

Radek Stepanek of the Czech Republic is engaged to retired (at the age of 20) tennis player Nicole Vaidisova.

By the way, as a somewhat related side note, I would just like to say that I hate anyone who can even contemplate retiring before they're even able to drink legally in the United States. Suck it up, people!

Nicole Vaidisova
No one should retire before they're at least until they are in their mid-20s - even if you had won $2.7 million in prize money by that time.

But I digress.

American Mardy Fish is currently engaged to the definitely not retired attorney - and former Deal or No Deal brief case model - Stacey Gardner.

By the way, did I mention that Stacey Gardner is in her 20s and not retired?

I just thought I should mention that one again. You know, in case Nicole Vaidisova or anyone else needs a little reminder about the proper age for one to retire at.

Stacey Gardner
But, again, I digress.

Anyway, not to be outdone, American Andy Roddick is currently married to fashion model and actress Brooklyn Decker. Ms. Decker, by the way, has appeared in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue for four of the past five years. She also has had bit parts in several different television shows over the past few years.

This means that Brooklyn Decker is also in the "not yet retired" category, even though she is 23 years old.

(Yes, I know I should probably give the whole "Nicole Vaidisova retired when she was 20" thing a rest. I just can't help myself.)

Anyway, my point to this whole thing (besides reminding everyone that 20 year olds should not retire under any circumstances) is to illustrate that guys who play tennis professionally seem to attract an above average quality of women.
Brooklyn Decker

All of this makes me wish that I hadn't walked past those tennis courts all those years ago and that I had learned to play tennis when I was younger.

Either that or that I had entered into a profession where I could have earned $2.7 million at a very young age and had retired by the time I was 20.

Either one of those scenarios would have worked out quite nicely for me. Really.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Recycle the Arts

I was at the Russell Industrial Center over the weekend. For those readers who aren't from the Detroit area, RIC is a huge (more than 1 million square feet) former auto parts factory parts factory that now provides studio space to roughly 150 artists and houses a multitude of other small businesses.

Recycle the Arts
Anyway, I was in the studios of one of those artists, when I saw the door at right.

Yes, someone has finally built an artist recycler!

And I'm so glad that they did.

If there's one thing that I simply cannot stand, it's the sight of artists being hauled off to a landfill. I'm fine with stockbrokers, lawyers, and BP executives going into a landfill - but, please - not the artists, too.

It just isn't right.

I'm not sure exactly how an artist recycler works. However, I'm fairly confident that it involves lots of coffee, a decent amount of cheap beer, and an NEA grant application.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Full Moon

There's a full moon out tonight. Some people say this means something. I, however, don't believe that old myth.


Still, I can't help but wonder why there are so many wolves running around in my neighborhood.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Heidi Montag Sex Tape

Karissa Shannon
Heidi Montag, who is likely famous for having more plastic surgery than anyone else in Hollywood, has made a sex tape with Playboy model, and Ann Arbor, Michigan native, Karissa Shannon.

Personally, I'm disappointed that Karissa Shannon made this tape with Heidi Montag and not with her twin sister, Kristina Shannon. I mean, let's face it - real twins are always hotter than fake boobs.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Kelly Brook Times Two

Kelly Brook is an outstanding model and actress. I look forward to seeing her in Piranha 3D, which looks like a fun B-movie.

Two Kelly Brooks Are Better Than One
Of course, the only thing better than seeing Kelly Brook is seeing two Kelly Brooks. Normally, this would not happen since there's only one of her and no one has figured out this whole cloning thing yet.

Luckily, I was still able to see two of her in this photo at left. Kelly Brook is featured in an advertising campaign for Reebok. Someone was brilliant enough to take a picture of her standing next to one of her billboard, thus allowing everyone to see two Kelly Brooks at one time.

I love this photo of Kelly Brooks. I would like to thank the folks at Reebok for making it possible.

My Personal Shark Sub

I came across the Seabreacher X on-line. I really, really want one. It's a personal submarine that looks like a shark.

Seabreacher X Launches Itself Out of the Water
The Seabreacher X is capable of high speed dives and then breaching the surface; launching the entire vessel clear out of the water. It can travel at speeds of up 50 m.p.h. on the surface or 25 m.p.h. while submerged.

And I really, really want one of these bad boys. I can't but imagine how cool it would be to whip along the Detroit River in one.

By the way, if anyone would like to help me buy one of these things, I will promise you a ride in this thing, in return for a few bucks of your cash.

Best iPod Docking Station Ever

I was at a part last night and saw what, in my opinion, has to be the best iPod docking station ever.

Ever.

Best iPod Docking Station Ever

The lighting is bad - and I took this photo with my Blackberry - so the image quality is certainly not the best. However, you can still see the basics of this set-up. It's a lingerie mannequin that is being used as a iPod docking station.

The iPod itself rests comfortably in the panties. From there, there is a cord that connects the iPod to a set of external speakers, which are sitting on an adjacent table. I suppose it would have been even more awesome if the mannequin had been wired internally such that those speakers were instead located inside of the mannequin's breasts. However, I suppose that's a potential upgrade for the next generation model of this invention.

There isn't an option for charging an iPod while it's inside of the lingerie docking station. However, I suppose it would be fairly simple to run a cord from the backside of this mannequin, along the underside of its groin, and connect it to the iPod as it sits in those panties.

Lingerie mannequins: quite possibly the greatest iPod docking stations ever.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me

Chanel Ryan is Better than Birthday Cake
Today, I am celebrating my 34th birthday.

I'm not actually turning 34 today. However, that's the one that I'm celebrating.

Pure chronological order can be boring at times. Birthdays, in contrast, should never be boring.

As for the photo to the left, that is eternally awesome Chanel Ryan. I think she's better than birthday cake, so I'm posting one of her photos here instead.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

27 Slippery Nipples

The guys from Iron Maiden were in Norway recently. While there, they did an impressive amount of drinking - even by rock star standards.

Iron Maiden racked up a $3,275 bar tab in one night.

Iron Maiden - Partying Like Rock Stars

I particularly fond of the fact that they ordered 27 slippery nipples. Of course, I think that's partly because I think it's fun to say, "27 slippery nipples."

Boobs: The Most Popular Force in the World

Missy Robinson Has Boobs
I post videos periodically on my neighborhood blog. I posted here a couple of months ago about how a short video about kids playing a fire hydrant got more views than almost any other video I had ever done.

The fact of the matter is that people seem to like watch kids playing and having fun.

However, as much as people seem to like watching kids playing in the water and having fun, it would appear that there is something that they enjoy even more.

My video about the bikini car wash that a local bar had recently has gotten more views in the past two weeks that the kids playing in a fire hydrant one has gotten in a little over three months. From this, I can only conclude that boobs are more effective at attracting attention than kids playing.

Rachel Nichols Has Boobs, Too
In fact, it seems to me that boobs very well may be the most powerful force in the world. They are just that far reaching in their influence.

Boobs obviously attracted viewers to my videos.

Boobs must've attracted people to the local bar or else they management wouldn't have done it.

These two things clearly establish the economic powerhouse that boobs truly are. Breasts are so strong that they don't even need a stimulus package, unless one wants to count the one from Victoria's Secret.

But I digress.

Sienna Miller Also Has Boobs
Not to be outdone by any of these things, boobs also deliver life sustaining nourishment to tiny children. Children who, I might add, may one day grow up to play in a fire hydrant and/or visit a future bikini car wash.

Yes, indeed. This experience has clearly convinced me that boobs are the most powerful force in the world.

It's a boob, boob world.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Something Is Wrong

Two checks arrived in the mail the other day as clients paid their invoices. My first thought was to cash them and hit the strip club. A moment later, though, I decided, "No, I think I'll just put this in the bank instead."

Help! What's wrong with me?

Obama Goes Swimming

President Barack Obama and his daughter, Sasha swim at Alligator Point in Panama City Beach, Fla., Saturday, Aug.14, 2010. The President traveled to Panama City Beach with First Lady Michelle Obama and Sasha to meet with local business owners and officials and to encourage Americans to travel to the Gulf Coast beaches.

President Obama and daughter Sasha swim in Gulf of Mexico

The thing is, as I look at this photograph, I can't help but wonder: how many Navy SEALS are lurking beneath the surface as part of a protective detail?

Every President travels with an amazing level of security around him. President Obama is, of course, no different.

And that just makes me wonder about what's beneath the surface in the photo that much more.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Happy Friday the 13th

Keira Knightley - Not Returning Calls
It's another Friday the 13th.

To give everyone an idea of how bad my luck is on this fateful day, I'll just say that Keira Knightley still isn't returning my phone calls.

Yes, Friday the 13th truly does bring bad luck.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Boss from Hell

I've had one or two bosses throughout the years who I have wanted to strangle. I've heard of unique ways of retaliating against them. However, this one takes the proverbial cake.

This young woman, known only as Jenny, quit her job through a series of 33 digital photographs that she emailed to everyone in her office. They are hysterical.

Jenny Quits Her Job (1 of 33 photos)
I hope this young woman finds a new, and much better job, very soon. She deserves it.

The entire series is available here.

My Bucket List

The guys at Guyism.com came up with their ultimate bucket list. This is 50 things that every guy should aspire to do before he slips this mortal coil.

I'm proud to say that I've already done a couple of them. Now I just have to work on the remainder.

Well, that and rebuild my collection of G.I. Joe comic books.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

My IQ Holly-Dropped

Holly Madison Killed My IQ
I spent a minute or so watching Holly's World with Holly Madison on E! I was flipping through channels, saw lots of blonde hair and cleavage, and I got sucked in. It took at least 60 seconds for me to realize how truly bad that show was.

In that brief time period, I believe that my IQ dropped at least 20 points. Holly Madison, I'm afraid, killed my brain.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Getting Married?

One of my married female friends declared this evening that her new "hobby" is getting me married. She is evidentially quite eager to become a godmother.

On a scale of 1 -10, how scared should I be?

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Watching "Bikini Car Wash"

Wow!  I posted this video for a bikini car wash that one of the bars in my neighborhood is doing today. That video has only been live for about an hour now. In spite of that, it's already gotten more views than some of the other videos I've done that have been up for more than a month.



It's as if people on-line get some sort of special pleasure out of watching women in a bikini wash a car.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

My Alma Mater

Yes, this is a video from the spring commencement at my alma mater, Wayne State University, in Detroit.



Priceless.

Thank You, Internet, for Katy Perry

I would like to thank God for the fact that I have an internet connection. It is because of this technological innovation that I am able to see early photos of Katy Perry from her shoot with Rolling Stone.

Katy Perry Makes the Internet Worthwhile

More photos of Katy Perry and her awesome Katy Perry-ness from Rolling Stone are available here.

The Best of Keira Knightley

The Best of Keira Knightley
I'm a huge fan of Keira Knightley. She is both very talented and very, very beautiful.

Therefore, I was thrilled when one of my friends sent me a link the Ultimate Keira Knightley Gallery. It's 172 photos of her, all in one place.

I'm supposed to spend all of this afternoon editing. However, I don't think that's going to happen.

Borders Meets Blockbuster

I was in my local Borders Bookstore the other day. Their check-out area has a sign line to wait for a cashier when it's time for you to pay. It's been that way for years.

Reminds Me of Movie Theaters
However, they recently added a Coke machine and a selection of candies that you can grab while you wait in line. I'm not sure why, but this seems to make my trip to Borders more like a movie theater than a bookstore - at least to me.

Anyway, these are the things that run through my head while I'm waiting in line.

Women in Comic Book Stores

Once upon a time, as in twenty years ago, women were about as common in a comic book store as a bartender at a Baptist convention. Comic book stores and comic conventions were truly a Vagina Free Zone. Slowly, however, that has changed.

First, there were those who showed up at comic book stores or conventions because their boyfriend wanted to go.

Then, there were those who were literally paid to show up. These were the attractive models who made appearances in an effort to promote some new comic, video game, or whatever.

Eventually, the women of America discovered that comic books have a certain appeal to them. I think a fair number, at least in earlier days of the mid-1990s, were ones who entered a comic book store or convention for their first time for one of the two reasons above and discovered that they like them. They started showing up even without a boyfriend or the promise of a paycheck.

Over the past dozen or so years, the number of women that I see in these places has been slowly climbing. In fact, when I was at the Vault of Midnight in Ann Arbor recently, I couldn't help but notice that almost half of their patrons are female.

This particular store does have an above average number of female patrons and I'm not exactly sure why. However, I think it offers a glimpse into what every other comic book store will hopefully be like in a few years.

And this makes me happy.

Monday, August 02, 2010

Supergirl Looks Weird

Supergirl Looks Weird
I was browsing through my local comic bookstore the other day. I found the current issue of Supergirl.

(Yes, that is my sexy thumb in the lower right hand corner of the photo at left.)

In my opinion, there's just something wrong about the way they drew her face for this issue. Her chin is inhumanly narrow. Her cheeks are also rather chubby in this drawing. The combination of those two things just makes her face look totally wrong.

This almost like an anime version of Supergirl - except, of course, for the fact that she long, flowing blonde hair, small eyes, and a rather modest bust. Those things almost never happen in the realm of anime, but I digress.

So, yes. I have to conclude Supergirl simply look weird this month.

I suppose I could spend time worrying about this. I'm sure that the folks at DC Comics are just dying to know my opinions of their cover art.

Supergirl: Porn Star Version
Or, in lieu of that, I suppose I could just go back to look at the porn star version of Supergirl.

This version also looks ridiculous. However, it has enough other positive attributes to it to compensate for that fact.

Voting in Michigan

There's a primary election in Michigan tomorrow. When one considers the general state of the Great Lakes State, it's safe to say that the need to vote has never been greater.

Unfortunately, the candidates that we have to choose from has never been more uninspiring.

Politics in Michigan is a sad, sad business.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Britney Spears Looks Old

Britney Spears is on the cover of Cosmopolitian this month. If memory serves me correctly, this is her sixth appearance on the cover of this magazine.

The thing that really struck me about this magazine cover when I saw is that Britney Spears looked really old in this photograph, especially her face. Her smile lines are much more pronounced here. Also, her widow's peak is much  more noticeable than in other photographs.

Britney Spears Looks Old on Cosmo

If I didn't know better, I would swear Britney Spears was in early 40s just from looking at this photo. In reality, though, she's only 28.

Life does not appear to be treating Britney Spears very well. I almost shudder to think what she'll look like in another five or ten more years.