The Voices in Frank's Head

I very well may be the only person in Detroit who feels this way, but I'm happy that Nickelback is going to play the halftime show on Thursday. The way I figure it, no matter what happens on Thanksgiving, we're pretty much guaranteed that the Detroit Lions won't have the worst performance of the day.

Another Detroit Lions Fan The Detroit Lions beat the Dallas Cowboys earlier today, 34 - 30. They are now off to a 4 - 0 start for the season and are going into a three game home stand at Ford Field. As I write this, the Detroit Tigers are also in the lead. They are currently beating the New York Yankees 4 - 0 in the 7th inning of game two of the American League Division Series. If the Tigers manage to hold onto this lead and win today, I very well may have a sports orgasm. That's kind of like a regular orgasm - just not as messy. Update @ 6:49 p.m. I feel good. Real good .

I was flipping through Entrepreneur  the other day and noticed an article about the dramatic profits that "breastaurants" are able to bring in . These, of course, are restaurants that are inspired by the Hooter's model of good food and attractive waitresses in skimpy outfits. Would You Like Fries With That? I'm convinced that if someone were to open a restaurant like this in downtown Detroit and give it a sports theme, it would be huge. The place would capitalize on all of the traffic from the Detroit Lions, Tigers, and Red Wings games as well as any activity at Cobo, Hart Plaza, or elsewhere nearby. It would be huge. In fact, I remember a couple of years ago when Hooter's was fighting with the City of Troy (approximately 8 miles north of Detroit proper) for the right to open one of their restaurants there. Troy did not want them. When I saw the back and forth debate, I remember screaming at my television for them to forget about Troy and open downtown. Oh...

Pink by Victoria's Secret introduced a new collection of outfits this afternoon that are inspired by the National Football League. This goes along with the ones that they already have for Major League Baseball.  I have to admit that I'm partial to their ones for the Detroit Lions, all things considered. They look sassy, original, and downright awesome. Of course, since this is Victoria's Secret and these are the Detroit Lions, I have to say that the Victoria's Secret crew will probably score more wins this season that the Detroit Lions will. But I doubt anyone will complain about their success.

Forward Down the Field - Another Lions Victory I went to church two weekends in a row and the Detroit Lions won two road games in a row. Both wins were on Sundays that I went to church. Coincidence? Well, yeah, it probably is. Regardless, I will be in church every single Sunday next season just so I don't jinx my team. I think I should increase my weekly offering, too.

My church is only half a mile from Ford Field, home of the mighty Detroit Lions. Christians vs. Lions Shortly before services began this morning, as the streets of downtown Detroit were rapidly filling with fans on their way to the game, one of my fellow parishioners made the off-hand comment that it would not normally be a good idea for Christians to be so close to a group of Lions. However, these are the Detroit Lions. It actually took me a second to get that joke . Oh, well - as if on cue, the Lions went on to lose to the New York Jets 23 - 20 this afternoon.

It looks like Detroit might finally have a winning football team . Not the Detroit Lions, mind you. Not even I am delusional enough to predict that. However, it does look like Detroit might soon be a part of the Lingerie Football League. This is a team where their fans win, no matter what the score board says.

One of my friends, Jeff Wattrick , wrote a piece for M-Live.com entitled " Chicago, if you had a tenth of the heart of Detroit, you'd be New York City by now ." The premise of his essay is rather obvious. I also think it's true. Of course, one can also point out that if Detroit had Chicago's political leadership ( i.e. , they may be corrupt, but they get stuff done) then Detroit would be New York, Los Angeles, London, and Toronto - all rolled into one bad ass urban Mecca. Although, the Detroit Lions would probably still suck regardless.

The Detroit Pride are the unofficial  cheerleading squad for the Detroit Lions. They perform outside Ford Field before all of the home games. Emily from the Detroit Pride One would hope that the Detroit Lions would make these ladies their official squad. But I think they're still putting all of their mental energy into actually winning a game at the moment. But I digress. Anyway, this morning, I was lucky enough to become the 2,000th fan of the Detroit Pride on Facebook . This means that I will soon receive an autographed photo of the squad in the mail. Hooray! The only drawback to this that I now find myself humming Please Mr. Postman  by The Marvelettes .

I believe it's time for the NFL to give vision coverage to all of their referees. I can see pass interference when it happens.  They, however, cannot.

Lt. Governor John Cherry confirmed this morning that he is ending his gubernatorial campaign that was never going anywhere in the first place. In other "breaking news", the Detroit Lions also confirmed this morning that they will not be going to the Super Bowl this year. The Oakland Press Blogs: Skoop's Blog: Cherry Out?

The Detroit Shock are reportedly about to move to Tulsa, Oklahoma. I can't say that I really blame them. In a town that has four other professional sports teams already - plus Michigan and Michigan State sports teams - it has been hard for them to generate the attendance that they need. Of course, the saddest part all of this is that the Detroit Lions are staying. Source: Detroit Shock are moving to Tulsa | Detroit Shock - MLive.com - - MLive.com Shared via AddThis

After the disappointing loss that the Detroit Lions suffered yesterday at the hands of the New Orleans Ain'ts, I have a modest proposal to offer William Clay Ford . It is clear, sir, that your Detroit Lions are not up to playing in the National Football League. Rather than continuing on this 52 year long rebuilding trend, I believe it would be much more appropriate to select randomly a different high school team each week to play in their stead. This, of course, will give high school athletes in Detroit the kind of playing experience that most teenagers in America only dream of having. It would also save you a few million in player and coaching salaries that are unwarranted anyway. As for the kind of track records that high school athletes would earn competing against the other teams in the NFL, one only has to ask: how much worse could it possibly get ? Please, Mr. Ford. Think of the children. Replace the Detroit Lions with some of Detroit's talented high school athletes...

The year is almost over. 2008 in Detroit was the kind of year that someone was thinking of when they came up with the curse, "May you live in interesting times." Some folks in this town are dwelling on the negative or even planning a move to Dubai. As for me, I take a more balanced outlook towards things. With that in mind, I present a look back at 2008 in my hometown. The Detroit Lions are the worst team in NFL history. However, the Detroit Red Wings won yet another Stanly Cup this year. The Detroit Tigers turned in a respectable performance. The Detroit Pistons came this close to another NBA Championship. Kwame Kilpatrick is in jail, but that saga is over. Now Detroiters get to look at everyone in Illinois and know that they're dealing with things that are much worse. The Detroit Public Schools are broke. However, Detroit still has charter schools, parochial schools, private schools and home schooling. Kirsten Haglund from Farmington Hills became Miss America...

The Detroit Lions lost to the New Orleans Saints 42 - 7 today. This was trouncing so bad that it shocked even me and I had given up on the Lions months ago. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to me then that one of my cousins in Wisconsin sent me a series of Detroit Lions jokes via email this afternoon. Since I can't share the joy of a decent season for the Lions, the least I can do is share a few Lions jokes with the world. Michigan Law The Michigan State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Detroit For the first offense, they give you two Detroit Lions tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them. Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? A. The Detroit Lions. Q. What do the Detroit Lions and Billy Graham have in common? A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ!" Q. How do you keep the Detroit Lions out of your yard? A. Put up a goal post. Q. Where do you go i...