Anyway, I didn't actually head out drinking - at least not right away. Instead, I just spent a half hour or so wandering around my bedroom and kitchen. There's not a lot of room in either place, so I guess technically it was more along the lines of pacing that it was wandering.
I found myself making toast at around 12:30 a.m. Don't ask me why - it made perfect sense at the time. I mean, if you're nervous and feeling nauseous - doesn't everyone make toast?
Okay - maybe not.
Anyway, like I said it made sense at the time.
I left my computer on during all of this. Eventually, my nervous pacing brought close enough it to notice that I had an email waiting for me.
I noticed that it was from the Sundance people. I had to read it.
From: firstname.lastname@example.orgI wasn't drinking before, but it was at that moment that I started.
Sent: Tues. 11/29/2005 12:44 AM
Subject: 2006 Sundance Film Festival Submission 7137 - Checking In: The Story of the Book-Cadillac Hotel
RE: 7137 - Checking In: The Story of the Book-Cadillac Hotel
Thank you for submitting your film to the 2006 Sundance Film Festival. Regretfully, I must inform you that it was not selected by our committee. We appreciate having had the opportunity to view your work, and want you to know that the decision was a difficult one, as we saw many more worthy films than we had space for.
I would like to wish you the best of luck with this project and your forthcoming work. I hope that you will give the festival the same consideration in the future.
Director, Sundance Film Festival
God bless my ancestors for creating Pilsner Urquell because that was what helped me make it through the night. I didn't feel sick anymore. I felt really, really numb.
There were more than 3,000 films competing for 200 slots in the festival. I knew from the moment I handed my submission package to the UPS clerk almost 4 months ago that the odds were stacked against me.
But actually getting the official confirmation was still a big kick in the groin.
I forwarded the email to the team who worked on my film with me. And then kept on drinking.
Not the pacing around kind of walking, but actually walking. Or perhaps staggering.
Someone had to be looking out for me.
Drunk guy staggering through the streets of Detroit at 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning. I managed to make it home without anything happening to me.
I have no idea when I finally got home. In fact, I don't actually remember coming home. All that I know is that I woke up about 20 minutes ago in my bed.
Strangely enough, the anxiety, numbness and general depression that I felt last night is completely gone. When I woke up, the only thoughts running through my head were:
- I need water;
- I should write another blog entry and
- I wonder which festival I should submit to next?
Oh, and I have a half dozen freelance projects waiting for my attention. (Curse my need to earn a living.)