The Voices in Frank's Head

The year is almost over. 2008 in Detroit was the kind of year that someone was thinking of when they came up with the curse, "May you live in interesting times." Some folks in this town are dwelling on the negative or even planning a move to Dubai. As for me, I take a more balanced outlook towards things. With that in mind, I present a look back at 2008 in my hometown. The Detroit Lions are the worst team in NFL history. However, the Detroit Red Wings won yet another Stanly Cup this year. The Detroit Tigers turned in a respectable performance. The Detroit Pistons came this close to another NBA Championship. Kwame Kilpatrick is in jail, but that saga is over. Now Detroiters get to look at everyone in Illinois and know that they're dealing with things that are much worse. The Detroit Public Schools are broke. However, Detroit still has charter schools, parochial schools, private schools and home schooling. Kirsten Haglund from Farmington Hills became Miss America...

YouTube has some of the coolest Christmas videos on it. This one is my personal favorite. If you have to ask why, well, you probably wouldn't understand the answer.

I have come to love Google Alerts . Every time someone posts something on-line about certain subjects, I get an email alert with a link to the post. It doesn't matter where it was posted, Google finds it for me and lets me know about it. I use it to track everything from some of my favorite celebrities, such as Keira Knightley , to some of the groups that I'm a part of, such as Detroit Synergy . It was my Detroit Synergy alert that made me cringe the other day. Along with all of the expected references to their Shop Detroit project was a reference to the group on Metromix. I cringed. Oh, yes, I did. I remembered all of the problems that Metromix had caused for me in the past. I also remembered Michael Higdon's commentary from this past August about how Metromix is a detriment to society. I braced myself for the worst as I clicked the link to see how the kids at Metromix were making my life difficult now. It actually turned to not be that bad at all. Google simply ...

I was sitting in a friend's living room the other evening with a small group of other friends. One game or another had just ended on television. We were trying to decide where we were going next because the night was too young for us to say good night. In what has to be one of the most perfectly timed ad buys, a commercial for Detroit's version of Metromix came on the screen. I silently groaned to myself and resolved to be quiet for the next 30 seconds. It was late. I really didn't feel like having yet another discussion about psychographics and/or why it was that I despised Metromix with a passion. The shocking thing is that I didn't have to hold those thoughts in. Within 5 seconds of this commercial coming on, one of my friends mentioned to no one in particular that Metromix was the web site that Kerry Doman loosely based After 5 Detroit on. I continued to remain silent as this observation led to a 20 minute discussion about Ms. Doman, her web site and her l...

The Detroit Lions lost to the New Orleans Saints 42 - 7 today. This was trouncing so bad that it shocked even me and I had given up on the Lions months ago. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to me then that one of my cousins in Wisconsin sent me a series of Detroit Lions jokes via email this afternoon. Since I can't share the joy of a decent season for the Lions, the least I can do is share a few Lions jokes with the world. Michigan Law The Michigan State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Detroit For the first offense, they give you two Detroit Lions tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them. Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? A. The Detroit Lions. Q. What do the Detroit Lions and Billy Graham have in common? A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ!" Q. How do you keep the Detroit Lions out of your yard? A. Put up a goal post. Q. Where do you go i...

Christmas is only a few days away. Detroit is covered with snow at the moment and there's more on the way. In the Christmas spirit, I search the internet for the best gift possible for readers on my blog. Without further ado, I give you "Russian Girls" by Sasha Dith . This video actually came out a couple of years ago, but it never really became the kind of hit that it probably should have been. You're welcome.

I was surfing the web last night, looking for more news on Kristen Bell . I came across this post on TMZ.com about Kristen at the beach . They were critical of the photo of her to the left, but admired her in the one to the right. I don't care what the folks at TMZ say. Granny shades or not. Hair up or down. Kristen Bell looks darn hot.

The good folks at Google Analytics tell me that the single most visited page on my blog is my Kam Carman experiment from this past March . 9 months later and it's still the most visited entry, bringing in close to 500 page hits every month. In second place for the most traffic generating post is my commentary from a few weeks ago about Kristen Bell's interview in the December issue of Ambassador magazine . The bronze medal, by the way, goes to my post about cool night lights from August of last year . A part of me can't help but wonder: what would happen if I were to combine all of these things into one blog post? Would this blog actually explode from all of the traffic? What if I were to write about a fictional evening in which Kam Carman tells Kristen Bell all of the nitty, gritty details of her divorce - from who cheated on who to the threats of lawsuits that Kam Carman used to keep the story quiet? I doubt Kam Carman would ever divulge those details willingly. H...

I've always loved having a subscription to GQ . This month, however, I have even more of a reason to love it. Check out Jennifer Aniston on their cover! I remember the first time I saw a woman wearing only a necktie. It was that scene in Pretty Woman where Richard Gere's character comes home to find Julia Roberts waiting for him, wearing only the necktie that she convinced one a sales clerk in some store to give her. That scene was only on the screen for a few seconds. I saw it in my local theater when I was 19 but I still think of it every time I see a display of ties in any store. A truly classic moment in American cinema. I'm glad the folks at GQ were able to do something like this again.

Detroit Synergy and the AIA-Detroit will soon announce that the next installment of their Pecha Kucha project will happen on Thursday, February 19 in the Hard Rock Cafe . Since Hard Rock is different than most PK Night venues, and I'm one of the people who selected it, I wanted to take a moment and tell everyone why we're going there. Yes, Hard Rock is a corporate restaurant. Hard Rock has a menu that is set by folks more than a thousand miles away from the restaurant. There's no getting around these facts. However, Hard Rock does offer a few benefits that make it an appealing option. First, there are all of the logistical issues associated with having PK Night at any venue. Hard Rock Cafe excels in these categories. Hard Rock has secured parking in the Compuware parking structure that's available for free with a validation in the restaurant. A lot of other venues require you to either pay through the nose for parking or have you park on the street. For those ...

This has to stop. Today. Forever. Originally uploaded by xdvxas I got a link to this photo on Flickr today. I'm not sure if it is the funniest thing I've ever seen - or the most disturbing. Maybe it's both. Of course, if that cat's facial expression is any indicator, I have a funny feeling that its owner got her own comeuppance from the cat shortly after the photo was snapped. It's like there's a thought balloon over near that cat. One that read, "Laugh now, human. Just wait until you see what I do to your shoes. Just. You. Wait."

Britney Spears is in this month's issue of Glamour , with the headline "Healthier at Last". I know I'm incredibly cynical, but a part of me can't help but wonder who many publicists and lawyers it took to get the Glam folks to write that piece that way. My guess is 14, but it's only a guess. Yes, I am cynical. However, if I may paraphrase Kurt Cobain for a moment, "Just because you're cynical doesn't mean you're not right."

There is yet another product on the market that is inspired by President-Elect Barack Obama - an Obama Soda. Reportedly, this soda is already a huge hit with French teenagers . I swear, if Detroit could just get a cut of the umpteen Obama-inspired products out there, the automakers wouldn't need those bridge loans.

Keira Knightley has a new role as spokesperson for Amnesty International. She appears in a new ad for the human rights group with a banner that reads, " Protect the Human " to commemorate the 60th anniversary of the U.N. Declaration on Universal Human Rights . I've always been a fan of Keira Knightley. She's beautiful and an amazing actress. I've also been a fan of Amnesty International. I was active in an Amnesty International chapter while I was in college. The fact that Keira Knightley and Amnesty International are combining forces very well may be the coolest combination since pizza and beer. Well, okay. I suppose that is a bit of an overstatement. Regardless, the fact that Keira Knightley is representing Amnesty International is still a very cool thing in my opinion.

Bettie Page passed away yesterday at the age of 85 after suffering a heat attack . She was an actress and model who completely comfortable in anything - from a ball gown to bondage gear - and made them all look incredibly sexy and sophisticated. She was an icon from the 1950s, who appeared in pin-up pages and Playboy . She was a Christian who believed that God gave a beautiful body for a reason. She believed, therefore, that there was no shame in showing it off. More than anything, Betty Page understood that "sexy" didn't have to mean "slutty" or "trashy". She made it into an art form. Britney Spears and several other modern pop stars could learn a few things from Ms. Page. As such, she will be missed.

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Mississippi arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, Southern Girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounced and came to a stop, she jumped up-and- down and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings, her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know. I thought you were watching." The moral of this story is: Not all Southerners are stupid; Not all blondes are dumb; But all men, are men.

I've always been a fan of Ziggy . That little guy, and his cartoonist creator , put a lot of wisdom into a single panel. One of his cartoons from the other day, however, though went above and beyond its usual standard of brilliance. Explaining the world, while still allowing me to laugh at it. Brilliant, I say. Simply brilliant.

Ever since they started televising it, the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show has been something that I look forward to. It's fun to watch and - well, let's face it - it has the Victoria's Secret models strutting around in those outfits. This year, however, I have to say that the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show was kind of a disappointment. The show still had the Victoria's Secret models. No matter how bad everything else is, there will always be that as a redeeming quality. My problem with this year's show was that they seemed to put too much of an emphasis on the behind-the-scenes moments of the fashion show. I know there are always people who want to know what it's like backstage at one of these events, but there's a danger of going too far with it. It's Frank's Law of Fashion Shows #168. When you get to point where the wardrobe guys get almost as much screen time as Heidi Klum then you are definitely doing too much behind-the-scenes s...

I was reading one of those other blogs in this town this morning. Reportedly, party promoters Matt A and Michael Zografos are spending $40,000 to build a tent in the Whitney's parking lot. This is, of course, not your average tent since it will have chandeliers, hardwood floors and such. Some folks are impressed by this. But those are the people who were impressed by the idea of spending an hour standing in line to get a "free" drink and who didn't think that an event with roughly 600 people attending needed to have bathrooms available at it. Since I've done a fair number of special events in Detroit, I know that on a budget of $10 - $20,000 one can rent: Any of the ballrooms in the Westin Book Cadillac; Colony Club; Detroit Club; Gem Theatre; Most of the rooms in the Masonic Temple; or Any of a dozen or so other options. All of these are facilities where chandeliers and flooring come standard. Plus, they also have ample access to restrooms, better acoustic...

I was flipping through this month's issue of Ambassador . I saw their headline Kristen Bell: Hometown Girl to Hero and, well, let's face it - any time a magazine puts the words "Kristen" and "Bell" on their cover, it's pretty much guaranteed to grab my attention. For the benefit of anyone who didn't already know this, Kristen Bell grew up in one of Detroit's suburbs, Huntington Woods to be specific. She graduated from Shrine Catholic High School before heading off to New York for college and her career. The folks at Ambassador asked her a series of questions about growing up in the Detroit area. I couldn't help notice something peculiar in her answers though. She didn't say that she was from Detroit. Instead, she said that she was from the Midwest. Let me recap this for everyone. Kristen Bell is from Huntington Woods, but when asked about growing up she did not say she's from Huntington Woods. Kristen Bell did not say tha...