Frank’s List of Things That Are Never Cool

Many people over the years have attempted to pass something off as “the latest, coolest thing” when it was - in fact - undeniably and irrefutable lame. After years of repressing my desire to mock these people, it has finally reached the point where I feel a need to compile a list of things that are not, never have been and never will – under any circumstances – be considered cool.

People usually embarrass themselves by trying to convince others that something on my list is “the latest, coolest thing”. By putting this list into the public realm, everyone at least gets fair warning before people laugh at you.

This list, of course, is a work in progress. If anyone sees something on this list has the potential to be cool, you are welcome to site an example of when it happened. Please include at least one authoritative witness (i.e., an independent observer and not one of the participants) who saw it and thought that it was at least moderately cool.

Without further ado, I give you Frank's List of Things That Are Never Cool.

1. Anything involving mullets.
2. Pocket protectors.
3. Color parties. This is hereby defined as a social event where guests are required to wear a certain shade, tint or hue of clothing (e.g., White Parties, Red Parties, etc.).
4. Crocs Footwear.
5. Belt buckles that are larger than your fist.
6. Fake boobs that are more than two cup sizes larger than a woman’s natural size.
7. Muzak.
8. Beer helmets.
9. President George W. Bush.
10. Oversized rear-spoilers on an automobile.
11. Car stereos that are worth more than the automobile they are installed in.
    

If anyone feels that my list is missing something, please feel free to chime in with it.