Chairman of the Death Panel
President Barack Obama has appointed me chair of the Government Health Care Rationing Panel for the Southeastern District of Michigan.
Yes, I am on the infamous "Death Panel" that Sarah Palin and others warned us about previously; the same panel that one right-wing pundit complained about even after the liberal news media told them repeatedly that it didn't really exist.
Sarah Palin, I'm afraid, was right. Death Panels weren't originally in the health care bill. Luckily me for me, however, President Obama has since signed Executive Order 02111964 to create them.
I, along with a few other shadowy, unelected, and unaccountable individuals, will now determine who gets health care and who doesn't. There are absolutely no limits to the scope of my powers.
I am thrilled to accept this position of authority. However, I am aware of the magnitude of its scope and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Therefore, I am asking for your help.
Please share with me your thoughts on who my colleagues and I should deny medical care to in the comments section below.