The Voices in Frank's Head

Stock Photo by Dalia Drulia After more than eight years of posting on this blog, I have decided to bring it to an end - at least for the time being. I am actively posting on three other websites and don't have the time to maintain this one as well. There is always a chance that I will return to blogging here. However, at least for the time being, I feel a need to put this on hold and focus on those other three sites. For those who still follow this blog, and wish to follow me elsewhere, the first of the three sites is my neighborhood blog - the Warrendale (Detroit) Blog . I also review books, movies, and television shows at BlogCritics.org . Last, but not least, I write travel related articles for Examiner.com . To everyone who has read this blog over the years, thank you!

According to local news reports, two kids were shot today in Detroit's Brightmoor neighborhood when an argument over how to make Kool-Aid turned violent. I swear, I'm not making this up. Two kids really and truly were shot today because of an argument over Kool-Aid. Two Shot in Detroit After Argument Over Kool-Aid: MyFoxDETROIT.com This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I write fiction. Reality is just too damn strange to be believed some times.

3D printing has been around for awhile now, but it has finally come up with something that truly grabs my attention. They have finally started to use 3D printers to make custom bikinis . Unfortunately, no one has come up with a way to use a 3D printer to create a bikini model. I suppose that will come with a future upgrade. For now, we have to do it the old-fashioned way - either pay them lots of cash to show up or convince them you're European royalty.

Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett  recently threatened to remove President Barack Obama  from the ballot this year in Arizona due to concerns that President Obama wasn't really born in the United States. He asked the State of Hawaii to confirm the validity of his birth certificate once more. However, the State of Hawaii hasn't responded to Secretary Bennett's request. This is likely because the Republican Governor of Hawaii Linda Lingell   signed a bill into law two years ago making it their state's official policy to ignore such requests because they are so ridiculous and troublesome. On behalf of Democrats everywhere, I would like to express my profound gratitude to Secretary Bennett and birthers across this great nation. It would normally be very difficult for a sitting President to be re-elected with unemployment as high as it is and with approval ratings as low as President Obama's are. However, Secretary Bennett and his ilk appear to be going

Sometimes I feel like writing a novel is like giving birth in slow motion.

Former Governor of Michigan Jennifer Granholm  argued in The Huffington Post that Mitt Romney did nothing to save Detroit. What a coincidence! Neither did she.

Why, yes, there is a place where an ordinary guy like me can rent a helicopter gunship to pump round after glorious round of 7.62 mm ammunition into the side of a mountain. Full details of this are available on the hotel's web site . Do we live in a magnificent country or what? The only question that remains is: who wants to go with me?

The folks at Web MD published a quiz recently to highlight "Bedroom Mistakes Women Make." Surprisingly, not bringing a sandwich was not one of the ones they talked about.

Adam Yauch photo by Fabio Venni Adam Yauch , co-founder of the Beastie Boys , past away today at the age of 47 after a lengthy battle with cancer. Back in the late 1980s and 90s, I used to hate the Beastie Boys. When one of their songs came on the radio, I always changed the station. It was only really in the past decade or so that I've realized the pure beauty in the rebellious, if at times obnoxious, nature of their music. Adam Yauch, you will be missed.

I frequently bookmark lengthy on-line articles and blog posts that seem interesting, but that I don't have time to read completely when I first find them. It may take awhile, but I always go back to them eventually. I stumbled upon Avi Steinberg's  article in The Paris Review  last February (the midst of income season). It dealt with the librarian as a recurring image in pornographic or sexually explicit literature. I'm glad that I bookmarked this one because it's really good. Check out "The Librarians Naughty Habit" by Avi Steinber in The Paris Review   here .

The Avengers  had a special showing at the Tribeca Film Festival. I was lucky enough to get video from this event from the producers. I'm so excited to be able to see The Avengers  in theaters this coming Friday.

The Women Bringing You Sandwiches page on Facebook is organizing their 3rd annual "Women Bringing You Sandwiches Day" on May 17. The vast majority of people who have found this page appear to enjoy it for the good heartened joke that it was intended to be. However, there is a certain segment of the internet population that have responded with profanity laced insults, not only for the organizers of this but for those who would participate in it. Women Bring Sammiches - And Controversy It's both amazing and, quite frankly, a little depressing that something as simple as woman bringing a sandwich can prompt tirades of profanity and stupidity. I know that there is something about the internet that always brings out the craziest of the crazies. I'm also relieved to note that for every one person who left a such post, there are approximately a hundred other Facebook users who are sensible about it. Still, the anti-women bringing sandwiches tirades are at least a li

The Five Year Engagement , starring Jason Segel  and Emily Blunt , opens in theaters everywhere this Friday. I look forward to it. Hopefully, they will explain the important questions that this film raises, like, why did this couple rush their engagement?

This is a sad commentary, but I've realized something about American life and politics. Success in American politics, it seems, is often measured by the volume and ferocity of the hate mail one receives.

Don't Date Cats I have some simple advice for the single women of the world: cats are cool, but there's something wrong with you if you put 5 different pictures of your cat on your on-line dating profile and you're not in any of them. A part of me cannot believe that there are women out there who actually need this advice. However, after reviewing a few on-line dating sites, it's clear that such a need does exist.

As I look through my Facebook news feed, I see that my Republican and Libertarian friends are having fun with the fact that President Barack Obama was fed dog meat, among other things, while he was a child living in Indonesia. He discussed this fact in his memoir Dreams from My Father , which was published in 1995. Is it just me or does it seem really, really desperate to have to go back to President Obama's childhood in order to find something to make fun of?

2012 is only a quarter of the way over. However, has hit a sudden rough patch. The Lingerie Football League announced that they are putting their entire season on hiatus for 2012. They will be back in the summer of 2013. If anyone needs me, I'll be at the bar sulking.

I'm once again doing taxes this year. I'm not thrilled to be back in the financial services industry, but I'm good at it and the money is decent. Anyway, an 80 year old gentleman came into my office yesterday afternoon. He dumped a stack of papers on my desk and asked me to figure out how much owed in taxes. As I was working on his return, we started talking about life. At one point or another during our conversation, the subject of women came up and, in particular, how hard it can be for guys to understand them. Like a Painting by Picasso It was at that point that this wise gentleman shared an important insight with me. "A woman is like a great painting by Picasso ," he explained with a knowing smile across his face. "You don't have to understand it in order to enjoy having one around." It took me a moment to soak in the simple brilliance of his analogy. Truer words, I believe, have never been spoken by any man.

Katy Perry's  new video for "Part of Me" shows her becoming a United States Marine after a huge break up with her boyfriend. I have to admit that the I never thought I'd find the words "Katy Perry" and "Marine" in the same sentence. However, I love this one. The video is fresh, provocative, and a lot of fun to watch. I simply love it. Kudos to whoever came up with this idea.

Jennifer Love Hewitt at the Cast Party Jennifer Love Hewitt's  breasts will be appearing in a new television show on the Lifetime network called The Client List . Well, actually, I guess all of Jennifer Love Hewitt will be on this show. It's not just her breasts. But, let's face it, most people aren't going to stare at anything else.

I just saw a TV commercial that attacked President Barack Obama over rising gas prices. Maybe now would be a good time to replay all of those Fox News clips from 2008 arguing that the President cannot control gas prices? Thanks, by the way, to Media Matters for putting all of those clips together  and comparing their 2008 coverage with their 2012 coverage.

I had another weird dream last night. I was sharing a large house with a group of my friends. At the end of the day, they all went to bed with their respective spouses and/or significant others. I, however, went to bed with a copy of my manuscript. I'm just glad that I didn't wake up with morning with a paper cut in any inappropriate places.

Michela Roth - Fired for Being Too Sexy to Teach American-born model and teacher  Michela Roth , age 38, was fired recently from her job teaching nursery school in Italy . Parents were apparently upset about some of the lingerie photos that she took as a model, which evidently established her as being unfit to teach. Personally, I think the parents and Michela Roth's school overreacted in this situation. None of the photographs were around any of the children. The children were never around any of the modelling sessions nor otherwise exposed to it. Plus, these are nursery school  children. They haven't figured out how to work Google yet. It's not like they are going to find these photos of Michela Roth and develop some "hot for teacher" fetish. In the end, the only person that I think should be fired was the photographer who took the pictures such as the one above. Harsh direct lighting on a 38 year old model? What was that person thinking?

Simone Farrow: International Drug Kingpin? Famed bikini model Simone Farrow  was arrested recently in her native Australia . Police allege that she was the mastermind behind an international drug cartel that traffic in methamphetamines between the United States and Australia. My first thought upon reading of Simone Farrow's arrest was: well, that's one way to stuff a bikini. Although, I have to admit that Simone Farrow's arrest does turn an interesting page. A lot of models over the years have gone to great lengths to prove that they can do more than just look good in a bikini. Simone Farrow one-upped all of them by being the mastermind of an international crime syndicate. And, yes, I do realize how terrible all of these thoughts are.

I found this video on-line and I love it. Will the REAL Mitt Romney Please Stand-Up? (featuring Eminem) is one of the best pieces of video editing I've seen in awhile. I love it.

I want to wish a Happy St. Patrick's Day to all of the readers of my personal blog (all three dozen of you). In honor of the Feast of St. Patrick, I wanted to share a song from one of my favorite Irish rock bands of all. I give you "My Town" by The Young Dubliners . Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!

Nancy Dell'Olio in "Hello!" Magazine My Google News Alerts will blowing up recently with updates about  Nancy Dell'Olio's   bikini photo shoot for Hello!  magazine . Once I saw the photos, I have to say that I wasn't surprised to see so many people talking about it. Not only did Nancy Dell'Olio and the folks at Hello!  recreate the famous bikini scene from Dr. No, but they proved that this woman still looks awesome at 50. Quite frankly, I think Nancy Dell'Olio looks better in a bikini in age 50 than some woman in their 20s do.

On behalf of Democrats everywhere, I would like to propose a modest compromise in the ongoing debate over contraceptives. We'll forget about requiring insurance companies to cover contraceptives if conservatives throughout this great nation simply reimburse the U.S. Treasury for the cost of the Iraq War. As it is, I find it ironic that certain people have no problems what so ever borrowing a trillion dollars or so from China for one thing but are suddenly frugal when a tiny fraction of that amount is on the line. And for those who say that the contraceptive debate is about religious freedom; that one should not be forced to have their tax dollars used for things that are contrary to their religious beliefs, I would simply like to remind everyone that one of the earliest and most vocal critics of the Iraq War was Pope John Paul II . His Holiness repeatedly argued that the war was contrary to Christian teachings. In spite of that, those who found the war to be contrary to thei

Milla Jovovich will host the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences' Scientific and Technical Awards on Saturday, February 11, at the Beverly Wilshire in Beverly Hills. Jovovich will present 10 awards to 30 individual recipients during the evening. Milla Jovovich is the star of The Fifth Element and the Resident Evil franchise. She will next be seen in the feature Resident Evil: Retribution . Portions of the Scientific and Technical Awards presentation will be included in the Oscar ceremony. Academy Awards for outstanding film achievements of 2011 will be presented on Sunday, February 26 at the Kodak Theatre and televised live by the ABC Television Network. The Oscar presentation also will be televised live in more than 225 countries worldwide.

I see the "geniuses" who run Facebook changed the way pictures display when you click on them in your news stream. I guess they were worried that their upcoming IPO would be too successful. Not to be outdone in the "crappy interface category", Twitter changed their layout as well. My news stream is now in the right hand column, where I don't expect it to be. I guess this is their way of getting more people to actually look at the "who to follow" box. If only the "who to follow" box had suggestions in it that were worth following. All in all, I really have to ask: who designs this crap? Update @ 10:31 p.m. I just noticed something unique about the new Facebook photo display. There is now an "featured story" (formerly known as an "advertisement") with every photo that anyone looks at on Facebook. I don't have problem with Facebook, or anyone else for that matter, making money from a product or service. I

Dear Republicans, Please follow Karl Rove's  example and continue to complain about the auto bailout. Please do everything in your power to link President Barack Obama to it, even though former President George W. Bush signed off on billions of dollars in loans to the auto industry as well. The fact of the matter is that the states that benefited from this the most (Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, etc.) are all swing states. When Republican complain about this, it reminds voters in those states that President Obama and the Democrats saved millions of American jobs that the GOP was prepared to watch disappear. It does wonders for moving those states into the Blue column for this November. Thank you, The Dems

Alabama State Sen. Shadrack McGill recently tried to block a pay raise for teachers by arguing that improving pay for school teachers is contrary to the Holy Bible. No, I'm not kidding. Sen. McGill really and truly did do such a thing . If I didn't know better, I would swear that the Democrats in Alabama put Sen. McGill up to this, just to make all Republicans across the nation look bad. Unfortunately, I know all too well that the Democrats don't have their act together well enough to organize such a plot.

Whitney Port's Falling Bikini Photos surfaced on the internet earlier this week of  Whitney Port's  bikini top suddenly falling off while she was in Miami. She managed to cover herself up (mostly) with her hands, revealing only a little bit of her nipples.  Of course, there just happened to be a photographer nearby when this happened - and Whitney Port just happened to be facing the camera, having covered herself up in the nick of time. Additional photos of the event, by the way, are available here  on Egotastic.com. The trend of bikini a female celebrity's bikini suddenly falling off - and a photographer happening to snap images of it - is something that I wrote about a little over a year ago when Heidi Montag  had a bikini incident that seemed a bit too much like a publicity stunt. (Earlier post available here .) Vanessa Hudgens Covers Up Of course, Whitney Port isn't the only female celebrity to have a bikini top mysteriously fall off in recent d

Who was the idiot who allowed their 8 year old sister to design the latest update to Google Chrome? This new one is batty. The extensions that I had installed have disappeared. The settings are all changed. McAfee's Site Advisor keeps returning, no matter how many times that I uninstall it. And the thing doesn't have any actual improvements to it. It's just a contraption to keep annoying me. I think it's time to switch back to Internet Explorer.

Panama City Beach, Florida is preparing to beat the existing world record for the largest bikini parade during Spring Break 2012, with a little help from BP, according to the Panama City Beach Spring Break website, springbreakfunplace.com . The current world record was set at Surfers Paradise Beach of Gold Coast, Australia in October 2011, where 357 women paraded in an attempt which beat the former record of 331 women in the Cayman Islands. Dan Rowe of the Panama City Beach Tourist Development Council hopes to beat the current record during Spring Break 2012. “It’s a way for the students to come down and participate in a fun activity,” according to Rowe. “It is good clean fun.” The funding for the record attempt comes from a $250,000 portion of a $7 million BP marketing budget. This funding is in addition to the roughly $350,000 that has already been allocated for the Panama City Beach Spring Break Marketing Campaign. The fact that BP is funding this, as part of their o

Web Cam Image of the Mackinaw Bridge A photo has hit the internet, showing a view of the Mackinaw Bridge from a web cam. That bridge is awesome to look at right now. I love how it's covered it in snow, how there's fog over the straights, and how the soft light illuminates everything just so. However, at the same time, I'm rather glad that I don't have to drive across it today.

Kristen Bell Over and Over I have seen Kristen Bell's Neutrogena commercial a dozen times in the past 24 hours. Please don't get me wrong. I adore Kristen Bell. I also like Neutrogena and understand the value of repetition when it comes to advertising. However, there's a point where hearing the same thing simply becomes annoying. To the folks at Neutrogena, if you're going to put the Kristen Bell commercial in such heavy rotation, please do television audiences across America a favor and create more than one version of it. Update @ 8:35 p.m.  - I just saw that commercial for a 13th time.

The novel version of The Roswell Chronicles has 65 chapters currently. They're short chapters, but there are 65 of them. Why am I tempted to add 4 more? Oh, yeah - that's right - because I'm a pervert.

Pan Am returns to ABC tomorrow night - and I am really looking forward to it. This show has really found its footing. When I first said that the show was an Emmy contender, people thought I was nuts. They said it would be lucky to avoid cancellation. But now Pan Am is back for a full season and an Emmy nomination doesn't seem all that far fetched anymore. My prediction is that it will almost certainly get nominations for art direction and costume design. Writing and acting nominations are a distinct possibility as well in my opinion. If you haven't already checked out Pan Am , I highly recommend it. In the meantime, I give you a short video clip featuring "Do You Want to Know a Secret?" by Nikki Jean .

The image above of the ObamaCare woman has been circulating across the interwebs. Quite frankly, I am mad as hell right now. This woman is destroying America. Why couldn't she just get a second job at a local strip club if she really needed money for this so-called "operation"? That, after all, is what a good, honest, hard-working American would do.

History has a funny way of repeating itself. In the mid- to late-1990s, was we saw the Dot-com Bubble with internet companies with stock valuations that simply could not be justified by their fundamentals. I believe that we are seeing the same thing today with gold prices. From 1973 - 2005, gold traded in the $200 - $300 price range on a fairly consistent basis. In 2005, it began its surge upwards, with the real momentum beginning in 2009. Gold is currently trading at more than $1,600 per ounce, which is roughly 4.5 times its historic norms. Things are far from ideal in our economy or political sphere. However, there is simply no economic rationale for gold any higher than $700 - and even $700 per ounce is pushing it, in my opinion. I'm not ready to start shorting gold yet. I believe it will likely stay in the $1,600 - $1,700 price range for the next few months as various problems work themselves out, most notably Europe's debt crisis. However, I believe that gold

There are moments where things come out of my mind that I simply do not believe. This afternoon was the latest example. A female friend of mine posted on Facebook that was now in her fourth day of dealing with laryngitis. A discuss thus ensued among some of the women about what it must be like for her to communicate with her husband and how he must be responding to this. I then chimed in to say: Think of this as a learning exercise. Instead of using your voice to communicate with your husband, use your boobs instead. Once you've mastered this technique, I'm sure you'll find that he listens to you much more. P.S. Sandwiches often work as well. It shocks me how utterly obnoxious I can be at times. Granted, everything is my comment is 100% true, but I can still be utterly obnoxious at times.

Memo to Congressman Ron Paul : If you are going to claim that you support the Constitution then you cannot have military personnel in uniform give political speeches.

In other news, I sent the novel version of The Roswell Chronicles out to another prospective publisher this afternoon. More agents and publishers will follow. Thankfully, I am going to be so busy for the next couple of months that I won't have time to worry about rejection letters.

Playboy model Hope Dworaczyk posted a photo of herself on vacation in Bora Bora, Tahiti. As attractive as Bora Bora normally looks, she makes it look even better. Hope Dworaczyk on WhoSay Quite frankly, if I worked for Tahiti Tourisme, I'd hand Hope Dworaczyk a promotional contract before she gets a chance to leave the island. She could do a lot to promote tourism there. I would also re-shoot the photo of Hope Dworaczyk above and use it in all of their promotional materials for Bora Bora. I wouldn't make any big changes to it, just a few tweaks like bringing in reflectors to knock down some of the shadows on her back and smooth out her bikini bottom.